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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the number of players in four different sports (badminton, tennis, basketball, rugby) in a particular European country between 1985 and 2005.

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The line graph shows the number of players in four different sports (badminton, tennis, basketball, rugby) in a particular European country between 1985 and 2005.
The line chart compares the number of sportsmen in four various sports
as
Correct word choice
, namely
show examples
 basketball,
tennis
Use synonyms
,
badminton
Use synonyms
,
rugby
Correct word choice
and rugby
show examples
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 one European country from the period 1985 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, most sports remained relatively stable throughout the period,
whereas
Linking Words
 rugby and
tennis
Use synonyms
 experienced notable changes.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1985 Rugby started with the largest quantity of players
240
Punctuation problem
, 240
show examples
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 a downward trend
begins
Wrong verb form
began
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in
1995
Punctuation problem
1995,
show examples
 it
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
obviously surpassed
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tennis
Use synonyms
line
Change preposition
with a line
show examples
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
Linking Words
consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
show examples
 they both got 200 equally.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, the dramatic
fell
Replace the word
fall
 stops in 50 in 2005
same
Rephrase
, the same
as
Correct word order
year as Badminton
show examples
Badminton
Use synonyms
 in same year. The
tennis
Use synonyms
 starts
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 150 athletes and moderately
increased
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
 to 220 players.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the contrary, basketball and
badminton
Use synonyms
 did not
experienced
Wrong verb form
experience
show examples
 any changes
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 from 1985 to
1990
Punctuation problem
1990,
show examples
 both sports faced decline,
thereafter
Linking Words
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 rose back to 50 and 70 people respectively. It continued moderately till 2005 and
stops
Wrong verb form
stopped
show examples
 there. The
badminton
Use synonyms
 and basketball
stays
Correct subject-verb agreement
stay
show examples
 at 50
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is the lowest number on
this
Linking Words
 diagram.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "thereafter".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tennis, badminton with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • number of players
  • line graph
  • sports categories
  • fluctuations
  • trends
  • upward trend
  • downward trend
  • peaks
  • plateaus
  • popularity
  • time period
  • significant changes
  • comparative analysis
  • demographic
  • sports culture
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