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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that
people
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 become more
intrested
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interested
 in the
history
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 of the house or building they live in.
This
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 essay will discuss what are the reasons for
this
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 and how
can individuals
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individuals can
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 find
those
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this
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 information.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, there are many causes
for
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apply
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why
public
Add an article
the public
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want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 to find
about
Verb problem
out about
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 the
history
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 of their houses.
Firstly
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, some
people
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 find it fun to explore what happened in the past to
this
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 building, and what are the modifications that have been
done
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made
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.
Secondly
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, in
general
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general,
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history
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 is crucial, and it
not
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is not
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 just for constructions, it is
also
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 for how
people
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 developed and implemented to reach
this
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 level of
professionality
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professionalism
.
For example
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,
Evil
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the Evil
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 Tower in paris, it is one of the most famous
tower
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towers
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 in the world
,
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;
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people
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 enjoy
to find
Wrong verb form
finding
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 out how
engineers
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the engineers
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 built it.
Body paragraph 2
In terms of the approaches to find
these
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this
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 unique information, the computer is a powerful tool that
make
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makes
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people
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 find the required knowledge easily. It is
also
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 possible to say that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 access to
those
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that
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 old information is very easy
,
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;
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people
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also
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 can reach
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the history of constructions'
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constructions'
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constructions through
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history
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, by books.
Moreover
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, asking old
people
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 about the past of these buildings is another method to get knowledge.
For instance
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, if you want to know about your home, you can simply ask your
parant
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parent
 to tell you about it.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are many reasons for searching and exploring the
history
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 of the buildings. It is
also
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 true that humans love to know about the past of buildings.
In addition
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, computers and asking old
people
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 are the most feasible ways to know about the past.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: why people want to know and how they can find out. However, some reasons are too general. Focus more on a person’s own home, such as wanting to know who lived there, when it was built, or if it has a special past.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain why learning about changes to a house is fun or useful, and explain how each way of research can give good facts.
task response
Use examples that are closer to the topic. The Eiffel Tower is a famous building, but it is not a home. A better example would be a person finding old maps, sale papers, or photos of their own street.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: reasons first, then ways to research, and then a short ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas smoother. Use simple words such as “Also”, “For this reason”, “Another way”, and “As a result” to show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one clear point. In the first body paragraph, the idea about general human history moves away from the history of a house. Replace it with another direct reason, such as checking the value or safety of the home.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea in the ending. Instead, briefly sum up the main reasons and the main research ways in one clear sentence.
task response
You give more than one reason and more than one way to research a building’s past, including online search, books, and asking older people.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion returns to both parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraph starters such as “To begin with”, “Firstly”, “Secondly”, and “Moreover” help show the order of your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Historical research
  • Genealogy
  • Architectural styles
  • Heritage
  • Relics
  • Oral history
  • Archival records
  • Museum exhibits
  • Historical societies
  • House tours
  • Renovation projects
  • Original blueprints
  • Careful documentation
What to do next:
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