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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that advertising encourages us to buy things we do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
There are certain people in society who claim that advertising can have adverse effects on the public by creating artificial needs,
while
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 others espouse the idea that commercials provide information about
products
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 and services. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument and put forward why each view is equally reasonable.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, those who oppose advertising argue that
this
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 form of marketing manipulates
consumers
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 in harmful ways. To elaborate in detail, many advertisers distort people’s perception of happiness and promote an idealised lifestyle.
Therefore
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, young individuals, especially children, become vulnerable
consumers
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 who often want to buy advertised
products
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, leading to unnecessary expenses and financial problems.
For example
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, many children pester their parents to buy items they see on TV.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, supporters of advertising argue that it can be beneficial since it provides
consumers
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 with useful information about
products
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 and services.
In other words
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, advertisements allow individuals to compare prices, features, and quality of different
products
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 prior to making a purchase. To exemplify, an advertisement for a smartphone may inform potential customers about its price, storage capacity, and battery life.
Therefore
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,
consumers
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 can make more informed decisions and choose
products
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 suiting both their needs and budgets.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both sides present valid points when they claim that advertising can significantly influence
consumers
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, since the former highlights its potential to create artificial needs,
while
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 the latter emphasises its ability to provide useful information about
products
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 and services.

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task response
Give your own view more clearly. You say both views are equally reasonable, but say if ads do more harm or more good overall.
task response
Add one more clear reason for your view in the last part. For example, say that ads are useful when rules stop false or child-focused ads.
task response
Make the first example more specific. Say what kind of TV item children ask for and how this can lead to money problems at home.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, first view, second view, and ending. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Link the last part more directly to your own view. Start with words such as “In my view” so the reader can see your final answer at once.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are used very often, such as “therefore” and “in other words”. Use a wider mix, or join ideas with simple full stops.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last sentence shorter. It repeats both body parts, so a short final view would be stronger.
task response
You discuss both sides of the question and give clear main ideas for each side.
task response
The smartphone example is relevant and clearly shows how ads can help people choose.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, an explanation, and an example. This makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” guide the reader well.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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