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Writing Samples
Band 5

Today there is a great increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect to others. What are the causes of this? What measures can be taken to reduce this problem?

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Introduction
Growing
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A growing
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 number of people are becoming reluctant to blend
in
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into
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 society and reluctant to respect
others
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.
This
Linking Words
behaviour
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 may stem from
lacks
Rephrase
a lack
 of parenthood at home and competition at
school
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. To overcome
this
Linking Words
,
parents
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 should nurture their
children
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 with
affections
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affection
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 so they will follow
such
Linking Words
behaviour
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 towards
others
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.
This
Linking Words
Linking Words
also could
Correct word order
could also
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 be supported by
Use synonyms
school
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the school
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 in creating
healthy
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a healthy
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environment
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.
Body paragraph 1
One of
major
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the major
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cause
Check wording
causes
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 is that they are not taught enough at
their
Correct determiner usage
an
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 early stage of life. There is an increasing number of
parents
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 who both work, so there is a possibility that their
children
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 are neglected or
unwatched
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unattended
. Those
children
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 may feel disregarded and disrespected as
a
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apply
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human
being
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beings
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, thereby making them
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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do the same things to
others
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. In the long term,
this
Linking Words
 may become a
multipplier
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multiplier
 effect, where they treat
others
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 without any respect
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they tend not to care for
others
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, and their friends who
recieved
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received
such
Linking Words
 treatment would
also
Linking Words
 disrespect
others
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.
This
Linking Words
 may be
exarcebated
Correct your spelling
exacerbated
 by
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school
Add an article
a school
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 setting where
students
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 are forced to compete academically.
For example
Linking Words
, ranking systems at
school
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 may lead
students
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 to focus more on their own achievements, rather than
appreciate
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on appreciating
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 friendships at
school
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. Together, these scenarios may result in anti-social
behaviour
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 and their tendency to focus only
to
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on
show examples
 themselves,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 may disrespect
others
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.
Body paragraph 2
To address those causes, a nurturing
environment
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 should take precedence.
Parents
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 have responsibilities to foster a sense of
respects to
Rephrase
respect for
 their
children
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.
Parents
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 need to
taught
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
 their
children
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 basic moral values and give affections to their
children
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. When
parents
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 lead by example, their
children
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 are more likely
show
Verb problem
to show
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 good
behaviour
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 and
engaged
Wrong verb form
engage
show examples
 with other people well in later life. Another contributing measure to tackle the causes is that schools need to create a comfortable
for
Check wording
environment for
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students
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, so they can
socialize
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socialise
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 with
others
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 without compromising academic aspects. The more people socialize with
others
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 in supporting
environment
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, the more they can foster their sense of
respects to
Rephrase
respect for
others
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, disrespectful and anti-social
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 may stem from the way their
parents
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 raise them, which
be
Verb problem
can be
show examples
 exacerbated by
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
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 competition
environment
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 at
school
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. To address those causes,
parents
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 should take actions to nurture their
children
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 with
affections
Check wording
affection
show examples
 so they will feel loved and show the action towards
others
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.
This
Linking Words
is
Correct word order
should also
show examples
also
Linking Words
 should be supported by
Use synonyms
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 by creating
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
environment
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 to
enforce
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encourage
show examples
students
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 to be more comfortable and
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 friends,
therefore
Linking Words
 leading them to respect
others
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 and blend into society.

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Task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. Your main causes are weak care at home and too much school competition. Your main steps are better care from parents and a more friendly school. State these points clearly at the start of each body part.
Task response
Add one more clear action. For example, schools can teach simple lessons about respect, teamwork, and how to deal with anger. This would make the plan more complete.
Task response
Explain how each action will work. For example, when parents spend time talking and listening to children, children may feel valued and may treat other people in the same way.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: causes first, then steps, then a short ending. Keep this strong plan.
Coherence and cohesion
Make some long sentences shorter. This will help the reader follow your ideas. For example, split the sentence about children, friends, and disrespect into two or three sentences.
Coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words, but do not use too many. Words such as “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “For example” can show the link between ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea in the last paragraph. Give a short summary of the causes and steps instead of restating many details.
Coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and sentence parts, as these sometimes make the link between ideas less clear. For example, write “lack of parental care”, “a sense of respect”, “teach their children”, and “a comfortable environment”.
Task response
You discuss both the causes and the steps to reduce the problem, so the essay stays on the topic.
Task response
The school ranking example is useful because it shows how strong competition can make students focus only on themselves.
Coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a main purpose, and the conclusion returns to the key ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
You often show cause and result clearly, such as when you explain how poor care at home may lead to disrespect for other people.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Anti-social behavior
  • Lack of respect
  • Instilling values
  • Discipline
  • Supervision
  • Media influence
  • Behavioral issues
  • Moral education
  • Community engagement
  • Economic disparity
  • Frustration and alienation
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