IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

n some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
On the one hand, based on the primary view, there are several significant advantages
,
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apply
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 which can create a real change.
This
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 is
due to
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 positive reasons.
First,
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the local garden is a useful place.
In other words
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, it increases production. The orange production is a prime example.
As a result
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, the community becomes rich and happy.
Additionally
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, the local activity will become more effective.
Body paragraph 1
On the other hand
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, in terms of the secondary view, there are numerous disadvantages, which can make a negative issue.
This
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 is
due to
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 the negative reasons.
Firstly
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, the public park is an uncomfortable area.
For example
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, if the garden is close, the public becomes uncomfortable.
In addition
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,
this
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 will make growth more difficult.
Conclusion
In conclusion, in terms of the advantages and disadvantages, there are many significant benefits.
However
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, there are major dramatic drawbacks, which can make negative impact.
Thus
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, the government recommends people follow the right tips for a positive result and a better life. I firmly believe that the benefits are more effective than the drawbacks.
Moreover
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, the governments should provide a smart method to protect the citizens

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part: say that the good points are greater than the bad points. Then explain why with two or three clear main ideas.
task response
Your ideas are too general. Explain how food gardens can give fresh food, save money, and help people meet each other. Also explain the bad side, such as less room for play, rest, or sport.
task response
Use real and clear examples. Instead of only saying “orange production”, say how a shared garden may help families grow vegetables for home use.
task response
Some sentences do not clearly link to the topic. For example, explain what “this will make growth more difficult” means and whose growth you mean.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: first part for your answer, one part for good points, one part for bad points, and a final part that repeats your view.
coherence and cohesion
Make each part focus on one main idea. The first body part can be about food and money. The second body part can be about the loss of public space.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with a clear job: “First”, “For example”, “However”, and “Therefore”. Do not repeat “This is due to” when it does not add meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Write clearer sentences. For example, change “the public park is an uncomfortable area” to “Some people may feel unhappy because there is less space to walk, play, or relax.”
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides, and your final view is clear: you think the good points are stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear body parts and a final part. You also try to use linking words such as “On the one hand”, “Additionally”, and “In conclusion”.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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