IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people think that to become a successful specialist it's better to choose a career early in life and never change it later. To what extent do you agree with this view? Support your opinion with relevant examples.

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
No wonder that to become successful in something and achieve difficult achievments that, you should focus on
one
Use synonyms
 thing.I personally believe that too,
however
Linking Words
 , trying new things might make you know talent on you that you didn'
t
Use synonyms
 even know about .
Body paragraph 1
On
one
Use synonyms
 hand,there is an example of focusing on
one
Use synonyms
 career.The maker of the highest phone sales ratio, Steph, job.He started his journey with a lot of motivation , but he didn'
t
Use synonyms
 get any profit from it. He didn'
t
Use synonyms
 give up and made his company bigger and bigger and achieved his goal after hard work.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, changing your career might make you find the real and better job for you , but some individuals prefer not to because it takes significant courage to change the thing you've been doing for a long time.
For instance
Linking Words
, the biggest football player is Cristiano Ronaldo.When he was young, he wanted to be a scientist and put a huge amount of work into it , but he didn'
t
Use synonyms
 do well.
Therefore
Linking Words
, he focused on being a football player , and he became the greatest of all time. Why is that?
Due to
Linking Words
 changing his thoughts to something better for him.
Conclusion
In conclusion, from my point of view , focusing on
one
Use synonyms
 career is safer and more beneficial for the person because changing has a high risk to fail in life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your main view more clearly in the first paragraph. You say that you agree, but you also say that trying new things can help people find a talent. Explain how far you agree and keep this view the same in the whole essay.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain why staying in one job can lead to success, such as by building skill, work knowledge, and trust. Then explain why a change can sometimes be right, such as when a person finds a job that fits them better.
task response
Use examples that are clear and true. The example about Steph is hard to understand, and the facts about Cristiano Ronaldo do not sound true. You can use a simple general example instead: a worker may study for years, find that the job is not right, and then do well in a new field.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body paragraphs, and an end. Make the link between the ideas clearer. The first body paragraph should support staying in one career, and the second should show why changing can sometimes be useful.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main sentence. Then give an explanation and one example. This will make the reader understand your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” are useful only when the two sides are clearly matched. Also avoid short questions like “Why is that?” in this type of essay; explain the reason in a full sentence instead.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match your full view. At present, the ending says changing jobs is mostly bad, but an earlier paragraph says it can help people find a better job. Give a balanced final view, for example: early focus is often helpful, but a change can be wise when a person learns that another job suits them better.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear personal view. You also try to look at both staying in one career and changing careers.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses a useful basic shape: an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your work.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”, to show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Career longevity
  • Job market dynamics
  • Technological advances
  • Globalization
  • Expertise
  • Adaptability
  • Career advancement
  • Financial stability
  • Job satisfaction
  • Burnout
  • Specialization
  • Fulfilling
  • Personal development
  • Diverse experiences
  • Life events
What to do next:
Look at other essays: