IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that world travel benefits everyone,regardless of age. Other people claim that only those over a certain age should experience global travel. How far do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
A lot of
Individual
Check wording
individuals
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 believe that
International travels are
Rephrase
international travel is
 of great advantage to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
irrespective
Punctuation problem
, irrespective
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 of
Use synonyms
age
Punctuation problem
age,
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while
Linking Words
 others think that
global
Add an article
a global
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 tour should be reserved until
certain
Add an article
a certain
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year
Check wording
age
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 is attained. I am in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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agreement that
worldwide
Add an article
a worldwide
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 tour should be carried out by people of all
age
Use synonyms
group
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groups
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 because travelling creates the opportunity to explore different foods, cultures and
knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 which eventually becomes beneficial at every stage of life.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, travelling the world regardless of one's
age
Use synonyms
 creates the room to try out different cultures and cuisines. By learning new ways of life, it improves the mind positively and enables an individual to make positive changes in
the manner
Check wording
their way
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 of living.
For instance
Linking Words
, the school excursion I had to Japan as a teenager enabled me to explore a part of their culture
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as dancing and food. Adapting to dancing regularly and eating
sea food
Correct your spelling
seafood
 helped my healthy living journey by burning body fat, reducing cholesterol intake,
enhancing
Correct word choice
and enhancing
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 body flexibility.
Such
Linking Words
 that, the risk of obesity in my life has reduced by half because currently
Body
Rephrase
, my Body
mass
Capitalize the proper name
Mass
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 Index is 21
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is the normal range value
as
Change preposition
for
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 an adult.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, unrestricted
age
Use synonyms
 international movement gives the ground to learn new good habits and innovations.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 helps to shape knowledge and character positively.
For example
Linking Words
, children travelling from
third world
Correct your spelling
third-world
 countries to
first world
Correct your spelling
first-world
 countries for
holiday
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a holiday
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 have the opportunity to learn new technology and
advancement
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advancements
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.
This
Linking Words
 enhances the way of thought,
analyses
Rephrase
analysis,
 and
problem solving
Correct your spelling
problem-solving
 skills. Which eventually helps when grown
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
age
Use synonyms
. As adults, the skills learnt during these holidays and
hanerresed
Correct your spelling
honed
 over the years
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 in creating ideas essential for solving difficult
task
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tasks
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.
Conclusion
To summarise, I agree that every
age
Use synonyms
 should be given the opportunity to travel internationally so as to be able to learn new cultures, habits and obtain growth in knowledge which will help for
good
Punctuation problem
good,
show examples
 healthy living and creating ideas for problem solving.

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task response
State your view in a more direct way. Say that you fully agree, then keep both main parts closely linked to the question about age and travel.
task response
Your ideas are clear: travel can teach culture, food, new habits, and new skills. Explain more clearly why these gains help young people, adults, and older people.
task response
The Japan story is useful, but it has too many health details. Keep the example short and show more directly how travel helped you learn about another way of life.
task response
In the second main part, explain why travel should not wait until a person is older. This will answer the other side of the question more fully.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this shape, but make the main idea of each part simpler and more focused.
coherence and cohesion
Use links such as “First”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In addition” in a natural way. Do not begin a new sentence with “Which helps” or “Such that”, because these are not full sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and contain many ideas. Break them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. For example, use “international travel” or “world travel” most of the time, rather than many different forms such as “global tour” and “international movement”.
task response
You give a clear opinion and support it with two main reasons.
task response
Your examples are linked to your main ideas and help show what people can learn from travel.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “To begin with”, “For instance”, “Secondly”, and “To summarise” help guide the reader through your writing.
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