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Band 5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To waht extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
In
this
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 modern era, having many
choices
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 has become a controversial issue. Many
people
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 believe that nowadays individuals have too many
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choices
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choices,
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while
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 others believe that the community
choices
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 are limited. From my perspective, I agree that having a variety of
options
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 can be deceptive.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, having numerous
options
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 can somehow feel comfortable, but it can be misleading at the same time.
This
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 is primarily because having many
choices
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 will make it harder for
people
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 to decide what
do
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apply
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they need and truly want. To illustrate, when individuals enter a car agency, they feel that there are many
options
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, so they get confused.
Nevertheless
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, having various
options
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 can make life easier because it feels like it’s tailored for the community.
For instance
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, when customers are purchasing phones, they have a lot of
options
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 to choose from, so it enhances customers’ experience
which
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, which
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 enables them to purchase the right product.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, having few
choices
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 makes
people
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 feel determined about what they are selecting.
This
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 is
due that
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because
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 having more than 3
options
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 can let
people
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 lose their focus and needs.
For example
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, when students go to the bookstore to purchase new books, they find it easier to choose from
few
Add an article
a few
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 books than having a huge bookstore which may mislead them.
Furthermore
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, when
people
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 are willing to
take
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make
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 a serious decision, they feel that eliminating most of the
choices
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 to compare between one or two
options
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 helps them to decide. Specifically, if
people
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 are selecting from various
options
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, they feel perplexed.
Conclusion
In conclusion, having many
choices
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 is like anything in life that has both positive and negative sides. If society is well-focused,
they
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it
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 will need to find a solution to limit the variety of
choices
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, so
people
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 don’t face any distractions. Having too many
choices
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 lets individuals lose their focus, which must be considered to improve.

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task response
Make your main view fully clear in the first part. You say you agree, but later you also say many choices can make life easier. Say that the bad side is stronger, then keep this view in both main parts.
task response
Give a deeper reason for each main point. For example, explain how too many cars or phones can lead to stress, wasted time, or a poor choice. This will make your ideas more complete.
task response
Use examples that show a clear result. In the car example, say what happens after the person feels lost: they may spend too long looking or buy a car that does not meet their needs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. To make the flow better, give each main part one clear job. The first can be about hard choices in shops; the second can be about hard choices in important life decisions.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words do not fit the meaning. For example, “Nevertheless” shows an opposite idea, but the next sentence changes the view without enough support. Use “However” only for a clear opposite point, or explain why both ideas are true.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “Furthermore” many times. Use simple links such as “Also,” “As a result,” “For example,” and “In addition” when they show the right link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. Use “people” or “consumers” rather than changing between “individuals,” “community,” “society,” and “customers” when you mean the same group.
task response
You answer the question and state your own view. You also give both good and bad sides of having many choices.
task response
The examples about cars, phones, and books are linked to the main topic and help the reader understand your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has a clear opening, main parts, and a final ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs and basic linking words to show the order of your ideas.
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