IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people have decided to reduce the number of times they fly every year or to stop flying altogether. Do you think the environmental benefits of this development outweigh the disadvantage for individuals and businesses?

7.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is definitely true that individuals have different perspectives on whether reducing
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 brings more merits than demerits. Even though some argue that flying less can be beneficial for the environment, I believe that it leads to significant disadvantages for individuals and businesses.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, reducing or stopping
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 has several demerits. The most remarkable point is that countless individuals and businesses would waste time and lose income.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
 offer the fastest way to
travel
Use synonyms
 long distances, and many jobs depend on
this
Linking Words
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a small hotel in a tourist area relies on foreign visitors who arrive by plane. If fewer tourists fly in, the hotel could lose most of its customers, and its staff might lose their jobs.
Likewise
Linking Words
, families living in different countries would see each other less often.
As a result
Linking Words
, flying less would lead to detrimental effects
such
Linking Words
 as lost time and revenue.
Body paragraph 2
Admittedly, from the perspective of the environment, reducing
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 can have some merits. Decreasing emissions from aircraft is the primary factor.
This
Linking Words
 is because most
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
 still run on fossil fuels, so fewer flights would mean less
air
Use synonyms
 pollution.
However
Linking Words
, it is an undeniable fact that other forms of transport,
such
Linking Words
 as private cars, play a pivotal role in emission problems. It is
due to
Linking Words
 the obvious fact that there are far more cars than aircraft in the world, and they are used every day.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the environmental benefit of flying less would be marginal compared with that of reducing car use.
Conclusion
In conclusion, when all the specific reasons and relevant examples are considered and evaluated, I believe that the disadvantages of reducing or stopping
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 outweigh its environmental merits.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same. To make it stronger, explain more fully why the loss for people and work is greater than the good for the earth. For example, say how travel by air helps trade, study, family life, or small local work.
task response
The point about cars is useful, but it does not fully show that less flying has only a small good effect. Air travel still adds a lot of gas to the air. Give a more careful answer: accept this point, then explain why the other harms are still more serious.
task response
Your hotel example is clear and fits the main point. Add one more real type of business, such as food, travel, or trade, to show a wider range of effects.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, main harm, other view, and end. This makes it easy to follow. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are repeated, such as “This is because” and “It is due to the obvious fact”. Use shorter, more natural links at times: “For this reason”, “Also”, “As a result”, or simply start a new sentence.
coherence and cohesion
The last part of the second main paragraph moves from planes to cars quite fast. Add a link that shows why this comparison matters to your view, such as: “For this reason, asking people to fly less is not the best way to cut harm to the earth.”
task response
You answer the full question and give a clear view that the harms for people and businesses are greater than the good for the earth.
task response
The hotel example clearly shows how fewer flights can lead to less work and less money for local people.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, and the ideas are in a clear order.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending match well, so the reader can easily see your main view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reduce
  • benefits
  • environment
  • pollution
  • travel
  • businesses
  • individuals
  • challenges
  • meetings
  • connections
  • effort
  • manage
  • remotely
  • money
  • stress
  • local
  • culture
  • discovering
  • innovative
  • technology
  • ways
What to do next:
Look at other essays: