IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

While recruiting a new employee, the employer should pay more attention to their personal qualities, rather than qualifications and experience. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

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Good employees are very important for any
companies
Fix the agreement mistake
company
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. They represent the company and share
opinion
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opinions
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 about
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the company
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company
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company's
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 outlook
to
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with
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 the outside world. It is very important to recruit
people
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 with
point
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a point
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 of view for frictionless and smooth running
for
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of
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 any company. The employee
need
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needs
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 to found some balance between personal
qualities
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,
qualification
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qualifications
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, and
experience
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.
Recruiter
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Recruiters
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 need to found some balance between personal
qualities
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,
qualification
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qualifications
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, and
experience
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. I
agrre
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agree
both of these components are important. At the outset, there are numerous reasons
whu
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why
 both of these
componentsare
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components are
 important
but
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, but
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 the most conspicuous one
lise
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lies
 in the fact that
,
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apply
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 nobody want sher
job
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 with
person
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a person
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which
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who
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 is grumpy, rude, play unfair despite,
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despite the fact
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that
employee
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the employee
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have
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has
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 a
hight
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high
education
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,
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apply
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 and big
job
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experience
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. When
people
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 have that kind of person in
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the
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team,
atmosphere
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the atmosphere
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 in
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job
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the job
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 is
taff
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tough
. New study says
this
Linking Words
 is the
masters
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master's
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 reason why
people
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 now often change
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jobs
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job
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.
Comunnication
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Communication
skills
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is
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are
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also
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 important when
employee
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employees
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 have
a
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apply
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contact with customers. Nobody want make shopping in shops, or enjoy
to the
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apply
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dinner in
restaurant
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a restaurant
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, where
have a
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people with lacking social skills have a job
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job
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people
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 with lacking social
skills
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.
On the other hand
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, there are many occupations that do require social
skills
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,
experience
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 and
education
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.
For example
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, for
pilot
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a pilot
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, it is necessary to have
experience
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,
education
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 and
also
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 have personal
qualities
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. Personal
qualities
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 are important when they have
a
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apply
show examples
contact with passengers and other team members, but in case of some emergency situation, personal
qualities
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isn't
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aren't
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enought
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enough
. That time,
most
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the most
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 important
is
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thing is
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education
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 about how the
airplaine
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aeroplane
 works, what
is the emergency procedure
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the emergency procedure is,
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 and extensive pilot
experience
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. In summary, both components are important
on
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for
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 different
the
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apply
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types of jobs. For specialists' jobs
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experience
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, experience
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 and
education
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 play a
first plan
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first-line
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 role
,
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;
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however
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, for occupations related to personal contact, social
skills
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is
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are
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 a crucial element.

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Task response
Score: 5. You give a clear view: both personal qualities and skills matter. You answer both sides and use a pilot as an example. However, the main question asks if personal qualities should get more care. Your view is not fully clear on this point. Say which side you support, and give one clear reason for it. Some ideas are too general, such as the study and people changing jobs, and they have no proof.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The essay has an opening, two body parts, and a short ending. The main order is easy to follow: first personal qualities, then work skills and study. But some points are repeated, and some links are not clear. Use one clear main idea in each body part. Add simple links such as First, However, For example, and Therefore. Do not start a new idea without explaining how it supports your view.
Language accuracy
There are many errors in word form, spelling, and grammar. Examples: “companies” should be “company”; “need to found” should be “need to find”; “I agrre” should be “I agree”; “nobody want” should be “nobody wants”; “a hight education” should be “a high level of education”; “isn't enought” should be “is not enough.” Check singular and plural forms, articles, verb endings, and spelling. These errors sometimes make the meaning hard to follow.
Positive highlight
You stay on the topic and give a clear example about pilots. This example shows well that study and work time are very important in some jobs.
Positive highlight
Your ending gives a useful difference between jobs with expert work and jobs with much contact with people.
Advice
A stronger opening could say: “I partly agree because personal qualities are important for team work, but skills and work time are more important in jobs such as flying a plane.”
Advice
Make the first body part more exact. Explain how good personal qualities help workers work with other people, solve problems, and keep customers happy.
Advice
Make the second body part more exact. Explain that some jobs need a high level of skill and long work time because one mistake can harm people.
Task response
You answer the topic and give your own view that both kinds of things matter.
Task response
The pilot example is relevant and helps show why skill and work time matter.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic clear shape with an opening, two body parts, and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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