Behaviour in schools is getting worse. Explain the causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.

Nowadays, appearing many children in schools behave

that is

lack of discipline. Let solve

this issues

Suggestion

this issue

these issues

that we need to consider the main reasons is causes of bad behave in schools quickly – family background, disruptive, large classes, their parents and the

internet

are the results of bad behaviour in schools. Some students

has

Suggestion

have

have had

are having

a bad family background and their parents abused them day by day.

On the other hand

, shaping a child’s personality either negative or positive through their parents.

For example

, the father is a

drunkard so

Accept comma addition

drunkard, so

he always has

smell

Suggestion

a smile

a smell

and do not awake that leads to

that male; objective male pronoun

him

his

regularly yell at the kid and even damage to his child.

This

reason

affect

Suggestion

affects

the young students overwhelmingly that make them has a bad behaviour in schools

such

as conflict with others, against the command of teachers and so on.

Additionally

, the

internet

is the one of the reasons leads to a child have a negative attitude to the rules of

school

Suggestion

the school

. Generally, there is no denying that the

internet

has no a positive side as everything usually that there are two good or bad sides.

However

, if their parents do not teach them how to use it properly on

study

Suggestion

the study

or effective entertainment, the kid will be

impact

Suggestion

the impact

Suggestion

the bad side of the

internet

For instance

, today on the

internet

has a lot of violent videos or even relating to extremist ideas that could influence to

childrens’ mind

Suggestion

a child’s mind

child’s mind

the child’s mind

children mind

Moreover

, it is not only the kid watched

it but

Accept comma addition

it, but

also

their peers at

school

. Now,

this

is a time to organize a plan to solve

this

condition. The solution is the

school

that ought to have a meeting with the kids’ parents to tackle

this

problem as to be strict and not flexible with their kids. Or take care of the students, who has the bad parents as the government and

school

should co-operate to isolate these kids from their parents, taking them to other friendly family to bring up. In conclusion, these are essential things to tackle the anti-social behaviour of the children at

school

carry

Suggestion

carrying

out effective deals between schools and parent to definite their mind properly.

Submitted by nguyenthuan97haha on Sat Mar 30 2019

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

362 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Behaviour in schools is getting worse. Explain the causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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