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Writing Samples
Band 2

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility
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Nowadays, many children are tending to be
obesity
Suggestion
obese
 and unhealthy. There is an idea that the government should be responsible for
this
Linking Words
 problem. I really disagree. The fatness
is depent
Suggestion
depends
is depend
 on the children and their parents.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they eat too much fat food, milk tea and do less exercise. Their energy is much more day by day lead to corpulence.
Secondly
Linking Words
, their parent
spend
Suggestion
spends
 less time
to
Suggestion
with
 them or pamper them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can do anything they like, eat what they want and have no healthy diet. For these
reason
Suggestion
reasons
,
parent
Suggestion
parents
a parent
the parent
 should have the
responsibility but
Accept comma addition
responsibility, but
 not the
gvernment
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
. They should take care of their offspring, educate them to have a healthy diet.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they should spend more time doing exercise with them, encourage them to have more phýsical activities. In conclusion, the role of parent is very important to reduce the fat children.
Submitted by josephnguyenn2110 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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