Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree? To what extent is this the price they pay for being famous?

#film #stars #music #celebrities #money #surroundings #lives #price

Famous people as supermodels and movie stars nowadays or in the past, they used to receive so much money

comparing

Suggestion

compared

with other people who are assumed to do more important jobs as doctors or engineers.

Moreover

, they live a luxury lifestyle by just work for two or three

month

Suggestion

months

in the year.

However

, due to the luxury and the empty

life some

Accept comma addition

life, some

of them get depressed.

furthermore

in addition

Furthermore

, some of them commit suicide

such

as Marilyn Monroe. She was a

super star

someone who is dazzlingly skilled in any field

superstar

when she

decide

Suggestion

decides

to end her life.In fact, many of them think because they have everything

Accept space

so nothing seems interesting anymore.

For example

, in the past the used to enjoy their birthday party.

Espeically

Suggestion

Especially

gifts, but now they can just buy what they want

Accept space

On the other hand

being a famous person mean

Suggestion

was a famous person meant

is a famous person meant

has a famous person meant

being a famous person mean

that you have to be so careful in the way you talk, clothes, even the way you eat.

Aswell

Suggestion

As well

, you have to be nice with people who always asks for photos

with out

in absence of

without

considering your feeling.

Besides

, sometime they

just takes

Suggestion

just take

are just taking

pictures without any permission.

despite

Suggestion

Despite

that

Accept space

public believe

that is

part of being a celebrity and I partly agree with that but.

Also

, I believe that even

Celebries

a widely known person

celebrities

need some privacy. In conclusion, being Celebrity it dose not mean that

every thing

all things

everything

is allowed, as a famous person and a role model they need to behave well.

In addition

, we still have to

thinke

judge or regard; look upon; judge

think

that all these celebrities are

huomns

all of the living human inhabitants of the earth

humans

and some time they make mistakes.

also

Suggestion

Also

, we have to respect their personal space.

Submitted by asd43214321asd on Wed Apr 17 2019

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

256 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree? To what extent is this the price they pay for being famous?

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Today, more and more people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. Discuss some effects of rural recession and the cause of this

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?