IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that children's free time must include educational activities otherwise they will waste their time. What is your opinion?

#people #children #time #activities #waste
Many children have extra
time
 in-between school and lessons. Some people believe that
this
time
 should be best spent including an educational activity while others believe it is best for them to enjoy their freedom. I believe that children should have the freedom to do what they desire with the extra
time
 they have. The
educational
Suggestion
education
 world
has been becoming
Suggestion
has become
 more competitive in recent years.
Hence
, many parents and educators believe that it is necessary for a
child
 to undergo extra classes during their free
time
. The more educational activities a
child
 does;
such
 as learning a new language or going for tuition can improve their grades which makes applying to university easier.
Thus
, many parents believe that by taking part in educational activities during their free
time
 will give them an upper hand.
However
, I believe that during a
child
’s free
time
 it is important that they do what they want. By forcing children to take part in
activities
Suggestion
the activities
 it shifts the importance of a
child
’s mental wellbeing and places more importance on education.
This
 can lead to drastic consequences in the future as the
child
 would only measure his or her success based on their academic one rather
then
conjunction used in comparatives
than
 their personal success. In conclusion,
although
 placing an importance on educational activities during a
child
’s free
time
 might improve their chances at university it can cause a
child
 to act out and disobey their parents in the future.
Therefore in
Accept comma addition
Therefore, in
 my opinion a
child
’s free
time
 does not have to include an educational activity.
Submitted by sansans2011 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: