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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.

The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.
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The bar chart illustrates information about the proportion of unemployed
women
Use synonyms
 in four different countries of the UK in 2013 and 2014. First of all.The highest percentage of jobless
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 was in England. In 2013, England became the first with almost 7% of unemployed
women
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 followed by, Scotland, which was slightly ahead
Northern
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of Northern
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 Ireland. Wales has the largest number of employed
women
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 in 2013, with 5.4 % of undefined
women
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. In 2014, the percentage of
unemployment
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unemployed
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women
Use synonyms
 in Scotland has risen steadily.
while
Linking Words
 the rate
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased gradually in both
of
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apply
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Wales and England. As the same as in 2013, the least proportions of undefined
women
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 were in Northern Ireland with nearly 4%. In conclusion ,
according to
Linking Words
 the chart Northern Ireland had the fewest proportion of unemployed
women
Use synonyms
 in both years.Whilst the rate has dropped in 2014 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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three of the UK countries. The rate in Scotland has
growth
Replace the word
grown
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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