IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Sometimes people think that young people should be encouraged to leave their family a certain age, while others think that it's better for them to remain with their families. What is your view?

#people #age #families
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The time to leave the family
house
Use synonyms
 is always a big
dillema
state of uncertainty or perplexity especially as requiring a choice between equally unfavorable options
dilemma
dilemmas
 for young people and in some cases for old people as well, because sometimes is easy for youngs to leave their parents
house
Use synonyms
 as soon they become adults and might be hard for that people that were always been very look after their parents (
spoilted
having the character or disposition harmed by pampering or oversolicitous attention
spoilt
). In both cases we can find strong reasons
for
Suggestion
to
 stay and leave.
Linking Words
Firstly we
Accept comma addition
Firstly, we
 can talk about those that left their
parents
Suggestion
parents'
house
Use synonyms
, for them
this
Linking Words
 might be a dream, live their own life,
such
Linking Words
 as no need to say what time they will be back home, where they were, who were with them, what they were doing and at the same time being responsible for all duties that the adult life might ask you. For those that want to leave their parents
house
Use synonyms
 during the adult life (
eg
Suggestion
.
middle
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
Middle
 20's and 30's or even 40's in some cases), they might have the opportunity to save more money to buy their own
house
Use synonyms
, car or whatever is the person's objective. In my point of
view
Accept comma addition
view, this
this
Linking Words
dillema
state of uncertainty or perplexity especially as requiring a choice between equally unfavorable options
dilemma
 should not be a
dillema
state of uncertainty or perplexity especially as requiring a choice between equally unfavorable options
dilemma
, but
this
Linking Words
 is one decision that only the young must decide. Sometimes our parents might need us for their activities while they are getting old and we need to be there to support them.
Linking Words
However at
Accept comma addition
However, at
 the same point some families raise their kids to the world and to build their
lifes how
Accept comma addition
lives, how
lives how
 and where they want, but
always be
Suggestion
are always being
 close for whatever they need. Because after all, family always will be your base and secure port.
Submitted by alexferla91 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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