It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than young people in many countries in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#proportion #people #countries #future #development

In the present age, people can live longer than ever

before thanks

Accept comma addition

before, thanks

to scientific and technological

development

However

higher percentage

Suggestion

a higher percentage

of the elderly will benefit the society in certain ways. As well as offering my opinion,

this

essay will discuss the merits and downsides of

high proportion

Suggestion

a high proportion

of older people in the future.

To begin

with, higher longevity of

population

Suggestion

the population

brings some benefits in terms of sustainable

development

of society. More specifically, older people possess traditional values and precious experience that can be used to educate younger generations.

Although

there are some innovative and modern processes, various issues can be successfully dealt with previous professional tricks and experience. If the youth get informed about

such

things, they will be more productive and labour saving. But would ageing population be really helpful?

However

, there is a myriad of problems that can be anticipated from

this

phenomenon.

Firstly

, allocation of pension for retiring people will place a burden on

national budget

Suggestion

the national budget

national budgets

This

unfortunately leads to

smaller proportion

Suggestion

a smaller proportion

the smaller proportion

of working adults due to

increasing number

Suggestion

an increasing number

of retired people. Paradoxically,

the fewer

Suggestion

the less

labouring workers are, the less taxes government will receive.

As a result

, the shrink of

workforce

Suggestion

the workforce

may hinder the economic

development

In addition

, the fact that aged people are prone to disease urges government to invest more on

healthcare

Suggestion

health care

services while there is a shortage of governmental budget. In conclusion,

this

essay argued the advantages and disadvantages of

rising number

Suggestion

the rising number

of the elderly. After looking both sides of the discussion, I nurture the belief that

this

phenomenon would be a negative

development

due to various social problems though the old have more experience than the young.

Submitted by fexibleman on Sat Jun 08 2019

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than young people in many countries in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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