IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that to reduce the amount of time people spend commuting (travelling to work), parks and gardens close to city centres should be replaced by apartment buildings for commuters to live in. However, others disagree with this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #amount #time #work #parks #gardens #city #centres #apartment #buildings #commuters
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Although
Linking Words
 it is sometimes thought that parks and gardens ought to
cut which
Accept comma addition
cut, which
 are closer to
city
Use synonyms
 centres, while other people believe that these recreational places provides relief from
hussle
Suggestion
Hussle
hassle
-
bussle
move or cause to move energetically or busily
bustle
city
Use synonyms
 life. In my opinion, rather than to focus on to reduce
parks
Suggestion
parking
,
its
it is
it's
 better to introduce
fastest transit system
Suggestion
the fastest transit system
 to commute
city
Use synonyms
 centre from distances. On the one hand, some people think that, parks and gardens
covers
Suggestion
cover
large area
Suggestion
a large area
large areas
, because of it, commuters have to travel more distance
upto
Suggestion
 5km as
compare
Suggestion
compared
 to short running distance.
In other words
Linking Words
, the travelling time can be cut by
wipe
Suggestion
wiping
 out these places.
Consequently
Linking Words
, new alternative ways introduce or even provide new housing opportunity.
Hence
Linking Words
, time can be saved for the local people.
For example
Linking Words
, in
delhi
a city in north central India
Delhi
, there is a
city
Use synonyms
garden but
Accept comma addition
garden, but
 now, it urn into cursed for the people of
location
Suggestion
the location
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, to break the continuity of concrete forest around of us,
its
it is
it's
 good to have some break-up space. These spaces provide opportunities to relax, discontinuation of monotonous environment and fresh air. Without these spaces,
Use synonyms
city
Suggestion
the city
 would lack the ability to provide open-air and open
spave
the unlimited expanse in which everything is located
space
.
Finally
Linking Words
, in my view, both situations are indispensable for a citizen. But, omitting garden spaces is not a solution who
commute
Suggestion
commutes
 from distances. So, its better to introduce
alternative fastest medium
Suggestion
the alternative fastest medium
 to commute
city
Use synonyms
 like
bullet train
Suggestion
a bullet train
bullet trains
,
metrk
an electric railway operating below the surface of the ground (usually in a city)
metro
metric
 routes etc. By using
this
Linking Words
, traffic chaos will reduced at most extent and appreciate these spares. In conclusion, despite people having different views,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 believe it would be better to introduce
alternatative
one of a number of things from which only one can be chosen
alternative
 fastest medium because open spaces are beneficial and imperative for every
cities
Suggestion
city
. To welcome huge mass in these places, these break-up space plays
very important role
Suggestion
a very important role
.
Submitted by ankupandey03 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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