In many countries Women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree ?

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owing
Suggestion
Owing
to women have a great income and earning high position, in many countries, women think that getting married is not important. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
concept because of the consequences that may arise from ending
marriage
Suggestion
a marriage
the marriage
. One major result to not marry is a decrease in the population.
In other words
Linking Words
, the main reason to get married is to have children. When women decide to not have children, they affect
human race
Suggestion
the human race
. It is true that in many countries the government limits the number of children per family, but they can still have a family. Having a family helps to flourish and develop society. I believe no one wants to live alone with no family. Except people who are not willing to get married because of various believes and thoughts.
Thus
Linking Words
, money is not everything in
life
Use synonyms
. Another result to consider is women living alone for the rest of their lives.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
may result medical and emotional issues. They need a man to support them when they are in trouble. Everyday news demonstrates that the percentage of
suicide
Suggestion
suicides
due to loneliness
is
Suggestion
are
extremely high. People always need someone to stay with and spend their time. People
also
Linking Words
have
better quality
Suggestion
a better quality
of
life
Use synonyms
when they can share emotion and feelings with their partners. In conclusion, the idea that jobs, strong positions, and high monthly salary are essential for fabulous
life
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
marriage is necessary to have a secure and warm
life
Use synonyms
. People will always need other people to grow and survive, and to have a most fulfilling
life
Use synonyms
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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