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Writing Samples
Band 3

Figures show that some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of the population who are aged 15 or younger. What do you think are the current and future effects of this trend for those countries?

Figures show that some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of the population who are aged 15 or younger. What do you think are the current and future effects of this trend for those countries?
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Lifestyle has undergone dramatic changes over a couple of decades. Presently, the population of teenagers is on the rise in some countries which might have both positive and negative effects on the progress of a
nation
. Here, I would like to account for
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 and upcoming consequences of
this
 phenomenon. Multifarious positive effects can be put down behind
this
 happening. First and foremost,
youthful
Correct article usage
the youthful
show examples
 generation plays a phenomenal role
to
Change preposition
in to
show examples
flourish
Replace the word
flourishing
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 progress of a
nation
.
For example
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of young people are expected to learn professional skills related to science, engineering,
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
, technology, sports and so on.
As a result
, a country will be enriched with a massive number of prodigious talented people who could contribute remarkably at jobs to ensure the development of their
nation
.
Besides
this
, advancement strides only in the presence of youngsters. To be specific, young blood is energetic, agile, creative and adaptive
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
welcome
Correct subject-verb agreement
welcomes
show examples
 new changes,
adjust
Correct subject-verb agreement
adjusts
show examples
 nicely and can introduce innovative ideas for
betterment
Add an article
the betterment
show examples
 of living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.
Hence
, a
nation
 is supposed to be more advanced than others.
Moreover
, youngsters are well educated, advanced and conscious about healthy living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
. Thence, they could be made willing to participate in social welfare activities
such
 as planting more trees, promoting cleanliness, saving
wild life
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
, using biodegradable materials so on to evolve pleasant ecological conditions and superior
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
.
On the contrary
, it has
thorny
Correct article usage
a thorny
show examples
 side too.
To begin
 with, in many thriving regions, employment sources are less
due to
deprivation
Correct article usage
the deprivation
show examples
 of industries and other commercial sectors.
Therefore
,
Correct article usage
the increasingly
show examples
increasingly
Change the word
increasing
show examples
 number of young people is leading to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of job opportunities in
such
 areas.
Furthermore
, the cultural heritage of a
nation
 may lose its significance. To be specific, unlike other age groups,
youthful
Correct article usage
the youthful
show examples
 generation has
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
show examples
 to develop their own ways of living and attitudes rather than following traditional values.
Thus
,
individuality
Add an article
the individuality
show examples
 of a culture will be at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 low ebb. All of
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
,
generation
Correct article usage
the generation
show examples
 gap will spread its roots on account of
imbalanced
Correct article usage
the imbalanced
show examples
 ratio of different age groups.
Hence
, misunderstandings and disputes might be the order of the day between young and late adulthood. To recapitulate,
elevation
Correct article usage
an elevation
show examples
 in the number
youngsters
Change preposition
of youngsters
show examples
 may lead to some hardships.
However
, I still believe positive outcomes will exceed negative results.
Submitted by rggdwwjduwhnwwd on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "hence, such".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words nation with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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