IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some parents believe that their children should do educational activities during their free time . Others say that in this way children are under pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #children #activities #time #pressure
In the present age
,
Accept space
,
education
 has become a priority for many parents seeking to secure a good future for their children. So many parents hold a strong belief that their children should do educational activities during their free time
.
Accept space
.
 According to others, in
this
way
 children are under pressure. It is believed by some parents that if their children work hard having no time to be busy with social activities
,
Accept space
,
than
subsequently or soon afterward (often used as sentence connectors)
then
 they increase their opportunities for going to higher
education
 and eventually getting a good job
.
Accept space
.
 An idea that supports
this
 is the obvious fact that nowadays many employers hires people who got better
education
.
Accept space
.
Furthermore
, it must be stated that accessing to high quality
education
 and job is becoming more competitive today than in the past.
On the other
hand many
Accept comma addition
hand, many
 argue that in
this
way
 many parents
vonfine
place limits on (extent or access)
confine
 their kids from social activities
.
Accept space
.
 They think that it is important to remember that children need to develop other skills than intellectual ones
,
Accept space
,
 and the best
way
 to do
this
 is through both indoor and outdoor games
.
Accept space
.
 And it is
also
 proven that the coolest
way
 of developing their imagination and physical coordination and children can
also
 learn important social lessons about winning and loosing. In conclusion
,
Accept space
,
 it is clear to me that I partially agree that children should do only academic activities in their leisure time in order to achieve
theirs
of them or themselves
their
 goals
.
Accept space
.
 They
also
 need to relax and bond with other kids
Submitted by Humoyun on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: