IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Big salary is more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
It is argued by some people that high
renumeration
Correct your spelling
remuneration
show examples
 is more important compared to a
sense
 of
job
fulfillment
. I disagree with
this
 view owing to the fact that the lack of
job
satisfaction
 could result in
loss
 of
job
 and harmful
health
 complications. First of all, the absence of a
sense
 of
fulfillment
 in the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 could cause
loss
 of
job
.
This
 occurs because there would be less dedication to
work
 which would lead to poor
work
 attitude, reduced productivity and ultimately the
loss
 of
job
.
For instance
, a recent report by the Nigerian Sociology Association identified
job
 dissatisfaction as a major factor for
disengagements
Fix the agreement mistake
disengagement
show examples
 from
work
 across the country.
Therefore
, despite a
high paying
Add a hyphen
high-paying
show examples
job
, professionals who are not satisfied with their
job
 are often sacked from
work
 or
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
leave the
job
 for others with better conditions of service.
Furthermore
, some adverse
health
 complications do arise from the lack of
job
satisfaction
.
In other words
, some highly paid professionals develop
health
 problems like anxiety and depression on account of dissatisfaction with their jobs which could result in suicide.
For example
, some cases of suicide among
high income
Add a hyphen
high-income
show examples
 earners in Nigeria are attributed to frustrations from
work
.
This
 shows that medical problems could develop from the absence of a
sense
 of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 from
work
.
Thus
, if workers are
satistied
Correct your spelling
satisfied
 with their jobs, some unwanted
health
 challenges would have been prevented. In conclusion, I disagree with the notion that big renumeration is better than
satisfaction
 from
work
due to
 the fact that
loss
 of
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 is a frequent outcome of
job
 dissatisfaction
while
 deleterious
health
 problems may
also
 result from a lack of
sense
 of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 at
work
. Efforts geared towards increasing
satisfaction
 at
work
 should be promoted.
Submitted by Kenny on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with word choices and sentence structures to avoid repetition.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Review the use of verb tenses and sentence structures for grammatical accuracy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: