Sometimes people think that young people should be encouraged to leave their family at certain age, while others think that it’s better for them to remain with their families. What is your view?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

There are some differences between the way of Asian and Caucasian parents raise their children. In Western culture, young people aged 18 or 21 have to move out from their parents’ home to start their own life.

In contrast

Linking Words

, Asian parents do not want their children, especially their sons, to leave the existing family even if they have already got married. Some people agree with Western

parents

Suggestion

parents'

way of upbringing children while others support the Asian parenting style. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I shall provide both point of views and give my personal opinion on why I believe young people should be encouraged to leave their family at

certain age

Suggestion

certain ages

a certain age

. On one hand, living with parents can make

young adult

Accept comma addition

young, adult

feel safe, loved, and cared. Parents can easily monitor their beloved children and keep them away from potential threats,

for example

Linking Words

, drug

abuse, excessive of

Suggestion

abuse, excessive

alcohol consumption, unprotected sex, and so on. Living apart from their parents can

also

Linking Words

lead to depression for several months in the beginning.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, it is widely known that young people who live apart with their parents are more independent and mature. They are better at self-control, decision making, and money management.

For example

Linking Words

, study abroad makes students realise that they have to manage their money well due to the currency difference. They

also

Linking Words

have to adapt

with

Suggestion

their new environment and get to know their new friends. These conditions train them to improve their self-control and decision making skills which are necessary for them to be able to have good relations with other people. In conclusion, I believe that young people who live apart from their existing families are more independent and mature. These personal characteristics are necessary for them to start a new family when they are married.

Although

Linking Words

there are some potential threats,

such

Linking Words

as being trapped in

wrong circles

Suggestion

the wrong circles

, I am certain the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Parents still can routinely communicate with their

children though

Accept comma addition

children, though

they live apart so that they are

feel

Suggestion

feeling

loved and cared while becoming more independent at the same time.

Submitted by mega.watty1994 on Tue Jul 23 2019

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

346 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
Nowadays, animal experiments are widely used to develop new dedicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is probably wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of the benefits to humanity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In this modern era, it is prominent that animals have been used in many laboratories to experiment the effectiveness of several new medicines as well as the safety of multi-purposed products. It raises the debate to whether these activities could cause detrimental harms to the wildlife and eventually lead to the prohibition of them. Meanwhile, proponents assure benefits of them on humanity. This essay will delve deeply into this nuance and lean over the former perspective.
6
band
In many countries, plastic shopping bags are the main source of rubbish. They cause water and land pollution, and so they should be banned. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
It is certainly true that in many parts of the world, plastic bags are the main reason contributing to pollution on land and water and therefore, they should be banned. I have given my justification below.
4.5
band
it is difficult for people in cities to get enough physical exercise. what are the causes and solutions
In this day and age, there are more and more people spending less time with their family. This essay will examine the causes and possible influences of this problem. First, there are some explanations that are worh mentioning about this problem. The first reason is that beacuse of the fast pace of modern life, people are now living a busier one and spend a lot of time for work. It is increasingly common that people tend to lose the balance between family and clerical work. For example, because of the heavy workload many workers have to work more than 10 hours a day, and sometimes they are required to work during weekend or overnight to meet the deadline. The development of social media is the second reason for this issue. That parents and children stay together but hold their own mobile phones or laptops to communicate with online friends on social netwwork instead of talking with each other is easily on these days.
5.5
band
Some species of animal are almost extinct and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reason for this?
Some animal species are on the verge of extinction, whereas many others decline dramatically to the same situation. This essay aims to explain why the loss of habitats, poaching, and overfishing are the main reasons and suggest some solution including preservational programmes and education.
4.5
band
Millions of people move to English speaking countries such as Australia, Britain or America to study at school, college or university. Why do so many people want to study in English? Why is English such an important international language? Give reasons for your answers
In searching of money, tourism as well as travelling, this is why many humans are relocating to English speaking states such as England, America and Australia.Therefore, English as a global dialect, it plays a pivotal role in human lives and that is why other students preferred to learn at an university in such countries since those are richest places on earth.

Sometimes people think that young people should be encouraged to leave their family at certain age, while others think that it’s better for them to remain with their families. What is your view?

Fully explain your ideas

In many countries, plastic shopping bags are the main source of rubbish. They cause water and land pollution, and so they should be banned. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

it is difficult for people in cities to get enough physical exercise. what are the causes and solutions

Some species of animal are almost extinct and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reason for this?

Millions of people move to English speaking countries such as Australia, Britain or America to study at school, college or university. Why do so many people want to study in English? Why is English such an important international language? Give reasons for your answers