IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It is expected in the near future that there will be a higher proportion of old people compared to younger population in some countries. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples.

#future #proportion #people #population #countries #development
With the advancement in the realm of medicine, the mortality rate has considerably decreased. Due to
such
 change in some nations, it is assumed that in the coming years there will be a higher density of elderly people as compared to
younger generation
Suggestion
the younger generation
younger generations
a younger generation
. In my opinion, it is a negative development as it adversely influences national fund, and
furthermore
 decreases employment opportunities. One of the major impacts of
this
 trend is on the national funds. As the majority of elderly
group
Suggestion
groups
 are retired, they financially depend on the government pension.
This
 not only forges burden on
taxpayers but
Accept comma addition
taxpayers, but
also
 hinder the development of society which require adequate funds.
For example
, the annual pension bill of Japan, one of the highest aged societies, has tremendously
decreases
Suggestion
decreased
 the fund
availabity
the quality of being at hand when needed
availability
 for other sectors
such
 as healthcare, education and transport facilities. If their population is dramatically
raises
Suggestion
raised
raising
, nations will face
financial crisis
Suggestion
a financial crisis
. Another adverse influence of
this
 trend is on the employment opportunities for
younger generation
Suggestion
the younger generation
younger generations
. Since
aged
Suggestion
ages
 employees have immense knowledge and experience, they hold positions for a long time in a company.
This
 not only increases competition for
jobs but
Accept comma addition
jobs, but
also
 diminish company’s productivity.
For example
, The ABC, an Indian
treading
buying or selling securities or commodities
trading
 company which
hold
Suggestion
holds
majority
Suggestion
the majority
a majority
 of elderly employees, has gone through bankruptcy in 2014 as it does not complete the consignment on time. In conclusion,
although
 the advancement in medical field increases the life span of elderly people, I believe
this
 negatively influences countries fund and job opportunities of young people.
Submitted by Advanced technology has changed the way people communicate. Nowadays, many of them prefer texting over talking on phones since the former enable multiple contacts at the same time, and furthermore it aids to remember essential talks. This trend brings both advantages and disadvantages. The primary reason why people use texting to communicate than talking is it saves time. Due to a hectic work schedule, they did not get adequate time to individually contact their family and friends through calling. Text messages, on the other hand, allow to multiple conversation at the same time. Another reason is easy to remember imperative details in the written form . Phone talks can be arduous to recall especially for elderly groups when they have to multiple work to do. For example, a reminder text message about an important meeting helps an employee to be on time. The major disadvantage of this practice is social isolation. As people more indulge in the virtual media, face to face interaction decreases. This not hampers the emotional development of an individual but also shrinks their social circle. Moreover, it affects their linguistic skills. Since mobile phones have preinstalled dictionary and auto correction softwares, they put less affords in remembering spellings this in turn distorts writing and speaking skills. In conclusion, although communication via texting has some minor advantages, I believe it brings more disadvantage such as social isolation and degradation of a language. on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: