IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programes (for example working for a charity, improving the nighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). What extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programes #charity #nighborhood #sports #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In out sophisticated society, people who
are engaged
Suggestion
engage
 with community services are highly evaluated. While some people believe that even high
school
Use synonyms
 students should attend activities that help local environment become better, I strongly believe that they shouldn't be one of compulsory
programes
a series of steps to be carried out or goals to be accomplished
programs
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, students in high schools are usually very busy. They tend to have more tasks from classes and need to concentrate on those academic works to get into better universities.
Although
Linking Words
 I acknowledge that some claim that students can still assist some
comunity
a group of people living in a particular local area
community
aids
Suggestion
aid
 groups after schools, the problem is that those activities could only make them tired and keep them away from
school
Use synonyms
 works. Another reason that the activity should not be compulsory for secondary students is that some of them are already engaged with income generating activities after
school
Use synonyms
 and they tend to be very busy and exhausted already. Even though I concede that working with other people,
such
Linking Words
 as local people can be a good experience for teenagers, but the problem is a lack of time. Some adolescents need money to help their family rather than charity works.
Finally
Linking Words
, my strongest argue is that high
school
Use synonyms
 children need more sports and cultural activities rather than
comunity
a group of people living in a particular local area
community
 work experiences. A lot of them are under academical burnout and need
place
Suggestion
places
 to outlet their stress in a healthy way by doing what they like with their peers. Having decent hobbies is far better
to
Suggestion
for
 adolescent development in my opinion. In short,
although
Linking Words
 unpaid community service could provide students a good vocational experience with locals, they tend to be busy academically.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I do not agree that free community activities should be compulsory for students in secondary schools.
Submitted by Erina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: