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Band 5.5

Shopping is favourite pastime for most of the young people .Why do you think that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

#favourite #pastime #people #activities
People in their adolescent
age
 do lots of shopping just to pass their time rather doing some productive task. I believe, they should be motivated to do fruitful activities which in turn provide a good benefit to themselves.
To begin
 with, doing varieties of activities for pastime has become commonplace for different
age
 group
,
Accept space
,
 but especially
teenagers are
Accept comma addition
teenagers, are
 found to be inclined
toward
Suggestion
to
 shopping which may be due to
myriads
Suggestion
the myriads
 of reasons
,
Accept space
,
such
 as at
first
 they are so much influenced by advertising; that are developed to captivate people’s attention,
as a result
 younger are
involving
Suggestion
involved
 in shopping more often. At
second
, adolescents are not conscious in comparison to old
age
 people in saving
money
 due to which if they get
money
, they will either go for entertainment or do buy things without a
second
 thought.
For instance
, my sister’s daughter, who is running at 16’s
,
Accept space
,
 has a
habit
 of doing lots of shopping: she has more than 40 dolls and 20 pairs of sandal in her home. While, shopping
habit
 is considerably
increasing
Suggestion
increased
 in these days, I think parents and elder people should encourage young people to do productive activities. The reason is extravagant
habit
 of
young
Suggestion
the young
 could get reflected in elder
age
 too;
this
not only affect
Suggestion
doesn't only affect
 them but
also
 to their parents.
Furthermore being
Accept comma addition
Furthermore, being
 prodigal might cost them much in coming days,
for
instance one
Accept comma addition
instance, one
 might need
money
 to pursue the desire like studying in
aboard
Suggestion
a board
 which requires lots of
money
 so, if youngster contribute their time in learning activities
,
Accept space
,
 it can help to some extent to create a more comfortable life in
future
Suggestion
the future
. In conclusion, shopping is necessary, but recklessly spending
money
 on it is definitely not good so, elder people should motivate their younger to be more productive and control their spending
habit
.
Submitted by Shopping is favorite passtime for most of the young people .Why do you think that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities? on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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