IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is expected in the near future that there will be a higher proportion of old people compared to younger population in some countries. 🔸Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples.

#future #proportion #people #population #countries #🔸is #development
Nowadays, it is a subject of hot debates that the
number
 of old people in comparison with
young
Suggestion
younger
 age groups is increasing. In
this
 essay, I will consider both sides of
this
 phenomenon and reveal why societies will need young people more than the elderly. One of the biggest drawbacks of societies containing large
number
 of old people would be the fact that, most of the times they suffer from illnesses. Young people should spend
big part
Suggestion
a big part
 of their money on solving their mental and health problems. My mother is an example who spends
big part
Suggestion
a big part
 of her income to buy her father's drugs because he suffers from lung cancer. A
further
 downside of increasing the
number
 of old people in nations is that the elderly cannot be as energetic as young people.
This
 less activities will cause generation gaps between old and young people. The relationship between my daughter and her grandfather is an instance in which she wants to go to park with
him but
Accept comma addition
him, but
 he is not
enough healthy to
Suggestion
healthy enough to
 go out with her.
On the other hand
, a substantial benefit of
increasing
Suggestion
the increasing number
number
 of old people is that
young
Suggestion
younger
 age groups can use their experiences and learn from them how to solve their problems. My father, who was
accountant
Suggestion
an accountant
 in a big company, always teaches me how to manage my money to have a convenience life in my future. What is more,
old
Suggestion
older
 people are more tactful and patient than young people which make them more appropriate for important position of jobs.
Last
 year, my president hired a 40 year-old accountant to avoid paying financial penalties and unnecessary taxes. In conclusion, in my opinion, weighing both sides of
this
 argument, the disadvantages that
increasing
Suggestion
an increasing number
number
 of old people brings, is greater than its benefits.
Submitted by msharifielts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • aging population
  • proportion
  • mentorship
  • strain
  • public healthcare systems
  • pension schemes
  • workforce
  • economic growth
  • automation
  • consumption patterns
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • sustainable living
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!