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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below give information about USA marriage and divorce rates between 1970 and 2000, and the marital status of adult Americans in two of the years.

The charts below give information about USA marriage and divorce rates between 1970 and 2000, and the marital status of adult Americans in two of the years.
The first bar chart gives an analysis of the
number
Use synonyms
 of divorces and marriages in the USA over a period of 30
years
Use synonyms
 from 1970 to 2000,
while
Linking Words
 the
second
Linking Words
 bar chart shows the marital status of American citizens in the
years
Use synonyms
 1970 and 2000. From the
data
Add a comma
,data
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it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of marriages in that country showed a declining trend in the period under review,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of divorces over the given period remained more or less the same except in 1980 when it showed a hike.
This
Linking Words
 decline in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
marriage
Fix the agreement mistake
marriages
show examples
 is evident when data for the
years
Use synonyms
 1970 and 2000 are compared. It can be seen that the
number
Use synonyms
 of divorces in the USA from 1970 to 2000 remained
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
steady
one
Change preposition
at one
show examples
million
Use synonyms
 except for the year 1980 when
this
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
 touched nearly one and a half
million
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the figures for marriages showed a downward trend with two and a half
million
Use synonyms
 couples getting married in 1970 to two
million
Use synonyms
 couples doing the same thirty
years
Use synonyms
 later. When the marital status of Americans is analysed, it can be seen that 70% of the adults were married in 1970
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
 was 60% in 2000. Meanwhile, in the year 2000, 20% of the adults remained single
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
 was 15% for the year 1970. It is
also
Linking Words
 seen that the
divorced
Correct quantifier usage
number of divorced
show examples
 individuals were less than 5% in 1970,
while
Linking Words
 in 2000
this
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
 was nearly double when compared to 1970.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, years, million, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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