IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
#amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #status
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The bar chart illustrates the
total
Change the adjective
totally
show examples
 free
time
Use synonyms
, spent in a week by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people of different
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
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 during the year 1998 to 1999. The total
time
Use synonyms
measured
Add a missing verb
is measured
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 in
hours
Use synonyms
 per week. Different occupations are
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 employed, unemployed, retired and
housewives
Fix the agreement mistake
housewife
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, The unoccupied and past employees spend more
time
Use synonyms
, which is almost equal. It is obvious, In women
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 employee has less leisure
time
Use synonyms
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
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 to
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 employee. There are no males, in
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 employment. The other category housewives
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 account to The
third
Linking Words
 among the five.
Females
Use synonyms
 have a number of free
hours
Use synonyms
 compared to
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the jobless male has spent more
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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leisure
time
Use synonyms
, which is around 84
hours
Use synonyms
, followed by ex-employee gents they account for 83
hours
Use synonyms
 and
similarly
Linking Words
 78
hours
Use synonyms
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 by
females
Use synonyms
 in both levels, who spend almost the same and
second
Linking Words
 largest
in
Change preposition
apply
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overall
Linking Words
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, In
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 and
housewives
Add a comma
,housewives
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 only
females
Use synonyms
 are
Use synonyms
females are
Remove the redundancy
apply
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falling into
this
Linking Words
 profession
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
accounts
Wrong verb form
accounting
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 for 40 and 50
hours
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Lastly
Linking Words
, working professionals
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 little free
time
Use synonyms
 which makes up 43
hours
Use synonyms
 for males and 37
hours
Use synonyms
 for
females
Use synonyms

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, hours, part, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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