IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today’s mod world, a set of predefined rules & regulations cannot be implemented in all scenarios.
This
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 true in case of set
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 of 65 years for all.
Thus
Linking Words
, I strongly believed that the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 should vary according to the job profile. Every occupation in
this
Linking Words
 fast paced world requires a mastery or specified skills to perform the duty accurately and time bound.
Thus
Linking Words
, having a common
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 is not a fair game.
For instance
Linking Words
, sport person who has to maintain a high level of fitness will not have same
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 as an office clerk has. There are greater chances that sport persons will leave their profession earlier than their counterparts.
Further
Linking Words
, the same concept applies to paramilitary personnel too, where high levels of physical & mental fitness required to deliver the end results. Since, every job demands multifarious skills, the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 should be different for all and pension eligibility
age
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be different. In certain cases, the pension
age
Use synonyms
 should be earlier.
For example
Linking Words
, in case of army, air force or navy as compared to teachers or office clerks. Jobs which requires top notch competency or energy will be advantaged from earlier
retirement
Use synonyms
. A profession, like an army, air force, paramilitary, athletics and so on are mostly benefited from early
retirement
Use synonyms
. To conclude, I believe that the professions which required the highest level of competency or skills should have different
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they should
also
Linking Words
 receive early pension
accordingly
Linking Words
.
Submitted by amrit on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: