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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graphs show the number of books borrowed from four village libraries

The graphs show the number of books borrowed from four village libraries
#graphs #show #books #four #village #libraries
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The line graph represents the number of
books
Use synonyms
 borrowed from West Eaton,
Rye
Use synonyms
 Slip, Sutton Wood,
Church
Correct word choice
and Church
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 Mount. It is interesting to note that,
while
Linking Words
 the count dropped at
Rye
Use synonyms
 Slip, villages West Eaton and Church Mount surged up in the time frame. In detail,
while
Linking Words
 300
books
Use synonyms
 were borrowed at
Rye
Use synonyms
 Slip which was the highest among the four villages, it declined to around 170
books
Use synonyms
 by September.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, West Eaton and Church Mount witnessed an upward trend starting off at just 50
books
Use synonyms
 in July
to
Correct word choice
and to
show examples
 150
books
Use synonyms
 during September. Meanwhile,
however
Linking Words
, Sutton Wood faced a dramatic dip of reaching a scale of 100
books
Use synonyms
 in August, but it managed to reach a peak of 300
books
Use synonyms
thus
Linking Words
 overcoming its initial stage of 250
books
Use synonyms
. Focussing on the genre of
books
Use synonyms
 borrowed,43% of votes have been
casted
Correct your spelling
cast
show examples
 for Fiction followed by Biography(19%).
However
Linking Words
,History(14%),Science(14%) and self-help(10%) sums up to a total of 38%.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 Fiction is the preferred type of
Use synonyms
books
Fix the agreement mistake
book
show examples
 being rented.
Also
Linking Words
, except
Use synonyms
Rye
Change preposition
for Rye
show examples
 Slip, the three villages have better rental rates.
Submitted by janhavi.mohan on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, rye with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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