IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #jobs
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There is no denying that entertainers like film actors, pop musicians and sports stars are paid too much
money
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. I really do agree with
this
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 statement.
However
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, some people think, there are several jobs that should be highly paid as well. In
this
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 essay, before presenting my point of view I would like to discuss the job culture. Nowadays there is news about the celebrities who are earning more
money
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 through their
profession like
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profession, like
 acting, singing, dancing and sports etc.
some
Suggestion
Some
 of the celebrities like sportsmen and actors are earning extra
money
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 through advertising and becoming brand ambassadors of the particular brand. There is no any difference in
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work
Suggestion
the work
 like sweeping, machining, teaching and in medicine, every
work
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 required effort and the reason for earning
money
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 for the sake of survival. A person becomes an actor because he likes that profession the same way singer, doctor, designer and scientist. But some people are unfortunate to get a proper education or because of laziness or because of lack of scope they sacrifice their dream and doing some different
work
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 which society considers it as a low-level
work
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.I think no
work
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 is small or big, every
work
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 requires effort and passion. We should respect one another and we should practice equality. My mother always says
us
plural of "I"
we
 “Big or small, there is no
such
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 kind of difference and it is only made by us”. In conclusion, I do not think any
work
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 is big or small, it is the difference created by us and I think now the time has come to stop differentiating people through their
work
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 and everybody should be paid equally for their
work
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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