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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that having a set retirement age for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #retirement #age #everybody #occupation #workers #pension
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It is unfair to set a
retirement
Use synonyms
 age like 65 years old with ignoring to the kind of occupation that people
work
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. I believe we have to consider that according to the type of profession, we could determine who can deserve an early
retirement
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 than other. Some professions need a physical ability to
work
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 under pressure and tension which is much more difficult
on
Suggestion
for
 the old aged workers than on their younger colleagues, that make them under risk of injuries and health drawbacks as their bodies cannot fit or withstand all of that effort needed.
For example
Linking Words
, some workers need a good pension to support their families financially like their daughters’ marriage,
therefore
Linking Words
 they need to retire
earlier
Suggestion
early
 to take the pension earlier.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some workers have serious chronic diseases like diabetes, hypertension and other cardiovascular disorders that make them need a usual and special care at home,
otherwise
Linking Words
 it will be a high risk of strokes and heart failures that make their health is under dangerous and hard to continue at
work
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some professions need the experience more than the physical workload.
Such
Linking Words
 as the consultancy in a bank or any investment entity. It needs the employees to be more expert and skilful than the hard working. Resulting that the elder employees in the company are more proficient and valuable than others, which make the employers put
retirement
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 age to be older than other professions. As the company will need their knowledge and experience in the future. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly agree that some workers deserve earlier
Use synonyms
retirement according
Accept comma addition
retirement, according
 to the kind of workload and their family needs. Rather than the others who
work
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 in companies need their experience that gained all over that age, they deserve high wages and high respect.
Submitted by karimyousry89 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension
  • physically demanding
  • mentally draining
  • emotionally draining
  • economic implications
  • financial burden
  • health and life expectancy
  • uniform retirement age
  • flexible approach
  • job satisfaction
  • early retirement
  • occupational fairness
  • social security system
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