IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some People Say that Parents Should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed by some people, including me, that parents should motivate their offsprings to participate in
group
Use synonyms
 activities.
However
Linking Words
, some groups claim that children should be taught how to use their spare
time
Use synonyms
 by themselves. These two points of
views
Suggestion
view
 will be discussed before concluding. On the one hand, it is thought that children ought to occupy their free
time
Use synonyms
 by themselves. There are many times that children are left alone by their parents, who have to work long hours, or even when children's peers are busy with their studies. If children learn how to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 effectively, it might bring about numerous privileges for them, making them more productive and normal members of the society in the foreseeable future. What children could develop when they are on their own is not only improving their critical thinking, say, by engaging in some special playthings
such
Linking Words
 as puzzles, but
also
Linking Words
 enhancing their self-confidence and creativity, since they may face some unexpected situations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the potential drawbacks of playing in solitude
by
Suggestion
with
 children should not be overlooked. If children spend the vast majority of their
time
Use synonyms
 by themselves, they may not have adequate opportunities to develop their social skills, making them more isolated and socially naive.
Moreover
Linking Words
, expending a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 and energy in front of a screen playing video games may be quite inevitable for children if there will be no constant supervision by their parents on children’s activities.
This
Linking Words
 would result in numerous health problems, including obesity and damage to children's posture.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is
opined
used of mouth or eyes
opened
 by many that children should take up well-supervised
group
Use synonyms
 events, since, in many cases,
such
Linking Words
 activities are well-scheduled and follow clear objectives.
For example
Linking Words
, children would be able to immerse themselves in some
group
Use synonyms
 activities, which give them a golden opportunity to improve their interpersonal as well as social skills. How to be a good team member, how to compete healthily with their peers, how to delegate tasks and come up with new ideas are cases in point. The involved demerits of organised
group
Use synonyms
 activities might be detrimental, particularly, when
such
Linking Words
 events lack well-prepared structures and suffer from the non-existence of permanent supervision. While being a member in
such
Linking Words
 groups could be a waste of
time
Use synonyms
 and energy for children, they might
also
Linking Words
 inspire a child to make wrong decisions, since the negative impacts of peer pressure when children spend long hours with their
groupmates
Suggestion
 are unavoidable. In conclusion, after hashing out these two points of views, it appears to me that,
although
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
 activities might cause some problems for children, they are indispensably beneficial.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
What to do next:
Look at other essays: