IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates results in low art education.

#university #fees #employment #prospects #graduates #results #art #education
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The
job
Use synonyms
 markets
today mainly
Accept comma addition
today, mainly
 hosts the jobs that need practical degree skills in nature, whereas jobs related to the philosophy and history are in significantly
few
Suggestion
fewer
 numbers.
Fore
Suggestion
The fore
-mentioned
job
Use synonyms
 hunt situation has raised voices in public for the calls to cut art subjects in Universities and to replace them with practical degrees. The people are mainly raising their opinion against art subjects based on two factors which
iare
a unit of surface area equal to 100 square meters
are
university
Use synonyms
 fees and scarce employment. Lots of students who are not from privileged background will find difficulties in securing the money required for the
university
Use synonyms
 fees. The Banks today are more willing to give out student loans as it generated more interest in payback period, which in turn leads to accumulation of debts once they graduate from
university
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.
Although
Linking Words
, the situation results in good business for banks, it doesn't produce the same results for students. Following the rise in
university
Use synonyms
 fees, comes the scarce employment opportunities for the art graduates. As the current generation moves towards the technological based lifestyle, the opposites of technical departments
such
Linking Words
 as philosophy and history suffer a blow
by
Suggestion
from
 it.
Finally
Linking Words
, once the student graduated, they will be in the mountains of debt and with no
job
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 in the near future. Overseeing all these facts, I
can not
can not
cannot
 simply agree to the cancellation of arts subjects in
university
Use synonyms
, in
favor
promote over another
favour
 of the technical subjects.
Although
Linking Words
, we live in
modernized technical world
Suggestion
a modernized technical world
the modernized technical world
, the philosophical ideas of our earlier generations and the lessons learnt from the history defines who we are as humans. Cancellations of these classes will indirectly create a situation that refuses the students
to
Suggestion
with
 the knowledge of what makes us humans and our feelings. In conclusion, I would recommend reforms in
university
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 education where the students graduating with arts degree
has
Suggestion
have
 to have some technical skills.
In addition
Linking Words
, with their default knowledge to give them self a chance in the
job
Use synonyms
 market.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the students from technical studies should
also
Linking Words
 incorporate few arts subjects in their curriculum to give an insight of
other side
Suggestion
the other side
 of the human life. I hope
this
Linking Words
 reform will generate a more balanced curriculum in universities and schools.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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