IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates results in low art education.

#university #fees #employment #prospects #graduates #results #art #education
The
job
 markets
today mainly
Accept comma addition
today, mainly
 hosts the jobs that need practical degree skills in nature, whereas jobs related to the philosophy and history are in significantly
few
Suggestion
fewer
 numbers.
Fore
Suggestion
The fore
-mentioned
job
 hunt situation has raised voices in public for the calls to cut art subjects in Universities and to replace them with practical degrees. The people are mainly raising their opinion against art subjects based on two factors which
iare
a unit of surface area equal to 100 square meters
are
university
 fees and scarce employment. Lots of students who are not from privileged background will find difficulties in securing the money required for the
university
 fees. The Banks today are more willing to give out student loans as it generated more interest in payback period, which in turn leads to accumulation of debts once they graduate from
university
.
Although
, the situation results in good business for banks, it doesn't produce the same results for students. Following the rise in
university
 fees, comes the scarce employment opportunities for the art graduates. As the current generation moves towards the technological based lifestyle, the opposites of technical departments
such
 as philosophy and history suffer a blow
by
Suggestion
from
 it.
Finally
, once the student graduated, they will be in the mountains of debt and with no
job
 in the near future. Overseeing all these facts, I
can not
can not
cannot
 simply agree to the cancellation of arts subjects in
university
, in
favor
promote over another
favour
 of the technical subjects.
Although
, we live in
modernized technical world
Suggestion
a modernized technical world
the modernized technical world
, the philosophical ideas of our earlier generations and the lessons learnt from the history defines who we are as humans. Cancellations of these classes will indirectly create a situation that refuses the students
to
Suggestion
with
 the knowledge of what makes us humans and our feelings. In conclusion, I would recommend reforms in
university
 education where the students graduating with arts degree
has
Suggestion
have
 to have some technical skills.
In addition
, with their default knowledge to give them self a chance in the
job
 market.
In contrast
, the students from technical studies should
also
 incorporate few arts subjects in their curriculum to give an insight of
other side
Suggestion
the other side
 of the human life. I hope
this
 reform will generate a more balanced curriculum in universities and schools.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: