IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#sugar #health #people #government #responsibility #limit #people’s #consumption #individual’s #amount
As a result
 of the dangerous effect continuous consumption of
sugar
 causes, it is thought by some that the government should play a role in controlling its intake, while others believe that it is the sole duty of a person to regulate how he consumes it. I,
however
, believe that an individual is solely responsible for the number of sweet things he consumes. On the one hand, in order to prevent
health
 conditions, it is paramount that the government educates his citizens about the effects of
sugar
.
This
 can be done by carrying out
health
 awareness programmes, warning people about how diseases like diabetes, hypertension can drastically reduce life expectancy. With measures like
this
, there will be a reduction in
sugar
 consumption generally.
For example
, after the 2019 "say no to
sugar
 campaign" there was a reported decrease in the number of people diagnosed with diabetes.
On the other hand
, no one can take care of a person’s
health
 better than themselves, as individuals know their own body requirements better. Adults have free will and should be able to control what they consume.
Also
, everyone is different and cannot be measured on the same scale.
For instance
, if someone has a family history of diabetes
then
 he should take precautions and consume less
sugar
 than the others because he is more likely to develop diabetes.  
In addition
, there are multiple ways through which people can regulate their
sugar
 cravings.
For example
, they can use
sugar
-free products
instead
 of real
sugar
. I believe that adults are the only one who can ultimately regulate the
sugar
 they take because when they are faced with difficult
health
 conditions
as a result
 of consumption of sweet food, they will not have a choice than to cut it down. In conclusion,
although
 the government can control
sugar
 intake by the creation of awareness, I believe it is the sole responsibility of a person to control sugary substance intake because nobody knows the body of a person better than the individual himself.
Submitted by Mabel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: