IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph shows the contribution of UK economy . Summarise the information.

The graph shows the contribution of UK economy . Summarise the information.
#contribution #uk #economy #summarise #information
The bar chart illustrates information
Change preposition
with irrespect
show examples
irrespect
Correct your spelling
respect
 to three sectors (Agricultural, manufacturing and
Business
 and finance )
contribution
Replace the word
contributing
show examples
 to British economic growth within the period of 100 years. And units were measured in percentage.
Overall
, it can be seen vividly that
agricultural
Correct article usage
the agricultural
show examples
 and manufacturing sectors were the main contributors in the first half of the century.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 their contribution dropped dramatically,
while
business
 and finance rose rapidly to become the main
contributor
. In terms of
agricultural
Add an article
the agricultural
show examples
 sector, their contribution rose from around 50% to 55% within the year 1900 to 1950
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and was the major
contributor
 as opposed to
Business
 and financial which contributed just about 5% in 1900 and raised to just approximately 10% in the year 1950,
therefore
 was the least
contributor
 within the first half of the century.
While
 in the 2nd half of the century,
Business
 and finance rose rapidly from 20% to 40% between 1975 and 2000 respectively and became the leading contributing sector to the British economy
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
contrast
Add an article
a contrast
show examples
 to
Agricultural
Correct article usage
the Agricultural
show examples
 sector
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 falls dramatically to less than 2% and became the least
contributor
 to the economy.
Whereas
 manufacturing service dropped
steady
Change the word
steadily
show examples
 and remains at about 15% within the year 1975 to 2000
Submitted by Dammy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words business, contributor with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: