Nowadays, it is possible to move ocean creatures from their natural habitat at sea and have them relocated to marine parks for the purpose of education and entertainment. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Explain your reasons and support them with specific examples.

#move #ocean #creatures #habitat #sea #marine #parks #purpose #education #entertainment #development #support

Living beings of oceans are now being shifted to

marine

parks for an intention to gain education and entertainment. I believe that doing

this

, the environment of the oceans is being harmed more than providing education to people. The life cycle of

marine

animals is getting disturbed. Due to

this

, it is

also

causing high

tidal wind

Accept comma addition

tidal, wind

and some environmental problems

Firstly

, in the

ocean

, each and every creature depends on each other like big fish eat small fish and big fish is eaten by a shark. If one of its creatures is taken away from the

sea

, in the

ocean

the number of a particular

marine

animal will rise rapidly. The consequences will be a particular

species

will extinct.

This

has already been a case of a region, where a

sea

species

has already got

Suggestion

had already got

have already got

had already gotten

have already gotten

disappeared, due to

overconsumption

of it by the other

sea

animals.

Secondly

, it is

also

causing harm to our environment like the way tidal winds are increasing, it is causing disasters like flood, tsunami. Actually, what happens, if the

sea

animals become less

Suggestion

sea

, warm winds, which they absorb will increase and cause water to move faster in an

ocean

. A report shows that more than five thousand people die every year, due to

tsunami

Suggestion

the tsunami

and flood and decline of

species

in the

ocean

is one of the

reason

Suggestion

reasons

. In conclusion,

although

people find it jovial while watching

marine

animals in the public park exhibition, they need to understand that it is

also

resulting an inappropriate environment, where it would be difficult for other

species and humans to

Suggestion

species and humans

survive. So, its drawbacks are more than getting

education

Suggestion

an education

out of it.

Hence

, it should not be allowed.

Sat Sep 14 2019

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut arts and music out of that curriculum so that children can focus on the useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?

The job market today is very competitive and it is best to choose a career or filed of study early in order to get a good job later in life. To what extent do you agreee or disagree?

Nowadays, more and more people choose to do their shopping online instead of going to physical stores. Why is this so? What are the disadvantages of this trend?

IN SOME CITIES PUBLIC PARKS ANF OPEN SPACES ARE BEING CHANGED INTO GARDENS WHERE LOCAL RESIDENTS CAN GROW THEIR OWN FRUIT AND VEGETABLES. DO THE ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH DISADVANTAGES?

In the future all cars,buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people traveling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?