IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind such as reading and doing word puzzles. Others feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #leisure #time #activities #mind #word #puzzles #rest
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
 certain individuals believe that it is vital to spend
one
Use synonyms
's free
time
Use synonyms
 on
mind
Use synonyms
-stimulating activities like playing word puzzles or reading books, others think that it is necessary for the
mind
Use synonyms
 to be at rest during times of
leisure
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, the choice of what to do with
one
Use synonyms
's
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 depends on individual preferences and personality. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, carrying out tasks which keep the
mind
Use synonyms
 busy during a person's free
time
Use synonyms
 is good for self development, according to some. They feel that keeping the
mind
Use synonyms
 active almost
everytime
Suggestion
every time
 is a good way to train oneself to know the value of
Use synonyms
time
Accept comma addition
time, thus
thus
Linking Words
 propelling
such
Linking Words
 individuals to brainstorm good and creative ideas.
This
Linking Words
 principle has helped in building successful men like
Nobel price winner
Suggestion
a Nobel prize winner
a Nobel price winner
 Thomas Edison, who attested to the fact that his
mind
Use synonyms
 was active at every point in
time
Use synonyms
 trying to solve common problems, eventually paying off as he uncovered the amazing discovery of the light bulb.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is often believed that keeping the
mind
Use synonyms
 calm during times of
leisure
Use synonyms
 helps people live a balanced life. Proponents of
this
Linking Words
 view believe that
such
Linking Words
 periods should be used to take a nap or carry out relaxing activities like watching movies or even gardening, stating that
such
Linking Words
 activities keep the
mind
Use synonyms
 refreshed and in a way, recharged,
subsequently
Linking Words
 making
such
Linking Words
 people able to think and focus better at work.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is thought that resting the
mind
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 rests the body and overall encouraging healthy living.
Finally
Linking Words
, in my view, both
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities could be
beneficial
Accept comma addition
beneficial, however
however
Linking Words
, the choice should be based on personal preference and personality type. While some people would prefer to keep their minds busy during their spare
time
Use synonyms
 (especially sanguines and
cholerics
an irritable petulant feeling
cholers
choleric
), others would just rather rest and free their minds
(
Accept space
(
like the phlegmatic and melancholic).
Thus
Linking Words
 doing what works for
one
Use synonyms
 would overall increase effectiveness as people can be their best at every point in
time
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, despite people having varying options, I believe that the choice of activities carried out during
leisure
Use synonyms
 times should depend on individual preference and personality.
Submitted by worshipenaibe on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • mental stagnation
  • intellectually stimulating
  • relaxation
  • meditation
  • stress reduction
  • overall well-being
  • personal development
  • life satisfaction
  • sense of achievement
  • emotional balance
  • peace of mind
  • scientific evidence
  • memory
  • learning
  • creativity
  • emotional regulation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: