IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth with poorer nations by providing them with things such as food and education? Or is this the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens?

#nations #wealth #food #education #responsibility #governments #citizens
I think that wealthy nations should be required to share their
wealth
 with poorer nations. But
their
Suggestion
they're
 helping should only stop at providing
such
 things as food and education because of the three following reasons.
Firstly
, citizens of both wealthy nations and poorer nations are human beings.
Therefore
, we
can not
can not
cannot
 look at, hear
of
Suggestion
about
, or talk about people who lack food, education, etc...
without
Suggestion
Without
 compassion and sympathy. Sharing
wealth
Suggestion
the wealth
 with poorer nations is not only a good
deed but
Accept comma addition
deed, but
 is
also
 a task
.
Accept space
.
Secondly
, many nations in Africa and Asia are very very poor. Famine, diseases, crime and illiteracy are killing the citizens of these countries.
In
Suggestion
On
 the contrary, many nations in Europe and America are too rich. If there are no actions taken,
this
 inequality will increase dramatically. Poor countries will become more and
more poorer
Suggestion
more poor
 while rich countries will become more and
more richer
Suggestion
richer
more rich
.
As a result
, the poorest countries will become slaves of the richest countries. So, sharing
wealth
Suggestion
the wealth
 is
an
Suggestion
a
 useful way to prevent people from that bad future.
Thirdly
,
although
 sharing
wealth
 with poorer nations is very
necessary but
Accept comma addition
necessary, but
this
 help should only stop at providing
such
 things as food, medicine and education. Or else, poor nations may become dependent on the
aid
a public promotion of some product or service
ad
. They may lose enthusiasm to build their countries by themselves.
Moreover
, rich nations can take advantage of sharing
wealth
Suggestion
the wealth
 to interfere with the governance of poor nations’.
This
 can’t be considered a humane action and should be prevented. In my opinion, sharing
wealth
 with poorer nations has both a bad
side
 and a good
side
. What we have to do is avoiding its bad
side
 and practicing its good
side
.
Submitted by mofizuddinbangladesh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • global stability
  • economic self-sufficiency
  • sustainable development
  • capacity-building
  • foreign aid
  • mutual benefits
  • trade relations
  • long-term outcomes
  • dependency
  • moral obligation
  • alleviate poverty
  • humanitarian assistance
  • resource allocation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: