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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table compares how many males and females were employed in
factories
Use synonyms
 in England and Wales in half a century period.
Overall
Linking Words
, both the
number
Use synonyms
 of male and female
workers
Use synonyms
 significantly declined over the period
although
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
factories
Use synonyms
 increased by almost three folds. At the beginning of the period, the amount of 287,100
males
Change the noun form
male
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 and 190,000 female
workers
Use synonyms
 were employed, and it was nearly half a million employees in 225
factories
Use synonyms
 in England and Wales.
In contrast
Linking Words
, fifty years later, the rate
Use synonyms
workers
Change preposition
of workers
show examples
 declined to the lowest amount of 31,000
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and 30000 females got jobs in 600
factories
Use synonyms
 in the UK. In 1861 and 1871, the
number
Use synonyms
 of male
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 sharply decreased from 131,780 to 80,123 and the rate of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
female
also
Linking Words
 decreased
160,000
Change preposition
from 160,000
show examples
 to 60,000,
however
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
factories
Use synonyms
 increased from 227 to 622 in England and Wales.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
male
Correct quantifier usage
number of male
show examples
 worker slightly decreased
76,132
Change preposition
from 76,132
show examples
 to 65,000 from 1881 to 1891 and female
workers
Use synonyms
 decreased
10,000
Change preposition
by 10,000
show examples
 in the
next
Linking Words
 ten years from 60,000 in 1881. The figures for these two different periods show that the
number
Use synonyms
 of
factories
Use synonyms
 slightly decreased from 721 to 625.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words factories, number, workers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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