IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #effects #trend
The problem of obesity, especially in children has increased two-folds in the
last
 ten years. It is becoming a serious concern.
This
 essay will discuss the possible reasons and effects of
this
 increasing trend and solution to resolve
this
 issue in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
 with, there are a number of causes of increasing the number of overweight children in western society. Primarily, the over-consumption of fast
food
 or unhealthy diet. Nowadays, it has become a habit of children to eat junk
food
,
such
 as pizzas, burgers, noodles and many more. These are the products which contain too much oil and calories, which leads to gain extra weight in children.
Secondly
, an increase in sedentary lifestyle among children because they use more and more technology.
For example
, mobile phones, computers, video games. Due to the advancement of technology, some children are addicted to these electronics.
Therefore
, they do not indulge themselves into physical activities and gain more weight. Obesity can lead to increase in health problems in children,
such
 as heart problems, an increase in cholesterol level and so on.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the World health organisation revealed that the number of children diagnosed with high cholesterol level doubled compared to a decade ago. A solution to tackle
this
 problem of obesity in children is taxed or the cost of fast
food
 or junk
food
 should be increased by the government in order to reduce the sale of rich-calorie
food
 products. In conclusion,
this
 essay has illustrated the possible reasons for increasing in obese children,
such
 as consumption of unhealthy cuisines and an inactive lifestyle,
this
 problem leads to more heart related problems in children. Ultimately, high taxation or the cost of unhealthy eatables may resolve the issue of overweight children
Submitted by jhldeep on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: