IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #women #army #navy #air #force #men
Some say that occupations
such
 as paramilitary, constables, reserve force should consist of an equal number of female and male, while others would argue that these jobs are not appropriate for women. In my opinion, women are equally strong and matured as men to be in
such
 occupations. On the one hand, those who believe that women are not compatible for armed forces and
such
 occupations think that they are not physically strong as men because
this
 job involves a lot of physical and tiring duties.
Moreover
, in
this
 profession, one needs to be prepared for any contingency and actions that may involve encountering with criminals or terrorist as
such
.
Therefore
, with a narrower approach, few believe women are not at par with men in
such
 professions.
On the other hand
, few believe that women and men deserve equal opportunity across all the sectors as we are egalitarian society and women deserves the place in paramilitary and
such
 related positions. Nowadays, women are participating in all
kind
Suggestion
kinds
 of physical activities and meeting the
standards
Suggestion
standard
 criteria to be in
such
 occupation.
Furthermore
,
such
 a position requires high-level tactics and conscious mind
that is
 comparatively more present in females than males. Taking World war II as an example, there were 35% of women who got into a
warzone
Suggestion
war zone
 on behalf of their country.
This
 shows how a woman can fit into
such
 tough and hard posts. In conclusion, nowadays women are getting stronger and meeting the standard criteria required to be eligible for
such
 positions.
Therefore
, in my opinion, women should
also
 be welcomed to pursue a career as police, army or investigative officer.
Submitted by nitinrc007 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • combat roles
  • physical prowess
  • stamina
  • dynamics
  • cohesion
  • resilience
  • integration
  • gender disparities
  • morale
  • recruitment
  • retention
  • biological differences
  • stereotypes
  • feminism
  • glass ceiling
  • break barriers
  • pioneer
  • groundbreaking
What to do next:
Look at other essays: