IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #women #army #navy #air #force #men
Since the dawn of the time, women have been playing a crucial role in the civilisation and development of mankind. It is clear that women can play a vital role in various defence forces so the writer of
this
 statement thinks that they are a blessing for their country. To commence with, women will be a boon to the
force
. To be clear, the world has realised that women are equally capable as men in both mentally and physically abilities. As women are blessed with intellectual and cognitive skills, they can use these invaluable skills in the
force
.
In addition
 to
this
, as we know, women are already serving in the various other physically demanding job sectors
such
 as white collar and blue collar worker. It is unwise to select them in
this
 job sector. More importantly, women are naturally less aggressive and peace makers and these qualities are blessing for the
force
 and once they come to leadership these
helps
Suggestion
help
 to reduce conflict among the nations.
Further
, women are already part of the police department and they have proved that they are capable of doing adventures and riskier jobs. To cite an example, women leaders
such
 as Queen Isabella, Victoria and the like
ruled
Suggestion
to rule
 vast spectrum of power.
On the other hand
, women have some physiological barriers in joining the defence
force
. To make it clear, since women have to give birth to the child and nurture them, they need maternity leave for that. If women are in the
force
, it would be impossible for them to get leave at the time of war. Apart from that, many retrogressive people argue that women's primary function is to prepare food and look after children and husband so they should not opt to go for a job. To conclude, in
this
 advanced era, women have been working in every realm and they have proved that they can contribute a lot to the society so they should take in
defence
Suggestion
the defence force
force
.
Submitted by nitinrc007 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • combat roles
  • physical prowess
  • stamina
  • dynamics
  • cohesion
  • resilience
  • integration
  • gender disparities
  • morale
  • recruitment
  • retention
  • biological differences
  • stereotypes
  • feminism
  • glass ceiling
  • break barriers
  • pioneer
  • groundbreaking
What to do next:
Look at other essays: