IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart shows the proportion of men and
women
Use synonyms
 who taught in seven different
faculties
Use synonyms
 of a particular university in 2012. There was a large gender disparity in some
faculties
Use synonyms
: engineering was dominated by male
academics
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 education had the highest percentage of female
academics
Use synonyms
. Notably, 85% of the engineering teachers were male and only 15% female.
Three quarters
Add a hyphen
Three-quarters
show examples
 of the academic staff in education were
women
Use synonyms
, with just 25% males.
However
Linking Words
, other
faculties
Use synonyms
 were more balanced in their composition. In medicine, gender representation was almost equal,
while
Linking Words
 in arts subjects slightly more than half the
academics
Use synonyms
 were female (55%). It is interesting to note that business and science had the same proportions of men and
women
Use synonyms
, with 65% male to 35% female
academics
Use synonyms
 in those
faculties
Use synonyms
. Law had a slightly higher percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 at 40%.
Although
Linking Words
 the
faculties
Use synonyms
 of engineering,
busines
Correct your spelling
business
, science and law were still primarily
male- dominated
Correct your spelling
male-dominated
show examples
 in 2012,
women
Use synonyms
 made up half the faculty of medicine and were predominated in education and arts.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, faculties, academics with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: