The percentage of overweight children in western countries has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

#percentage #children #countries #ten #years #effects #trend

There is no doubt that overweight children’s percentages rose by twenty percent in

western world

Suggestion

the western world

. There are several factors, which played

role

Suggestion

a role

the role

Also

, there are some effects of being overweight. On of the major factor that has contributed to increase in children’s weight is unhealthy

food

. Number of children eating unhealthy

food

Suggestion

are

on the rise, and number of increasing fast

food

restaurants are responsible for that.These

restaurant

Suggestion

restaurants

sell tasty

food

to attract

children but

Accept comma addition

children, but

these

food

Suggestion

foods

contain unhealthy ingredients,

for example

, fat and salt.

Secondly

, some advertisements that encourage children to eat unhealthy diet.

Lastly

, children do not give time

Suggestion

for

out door

located, suited for, or taking place in the open air

outdoor

activities because they spend more time watching television or playing games on computers at home, which led to

sedentary lifestyle

Suggestion

a sedentary lifestyle

As a result

, children become overweight. Overweight children are prone to many problems. They are more likely to suffer from chronic diseases like high blood pressure and diabetes, during their late age of life. These conditions are life threatening.

In addition

, these children can be tortured at school by peers, which can have effects on their mental health like stress, anxiety and insomnia. These problems, in turn, often result in lower productivity at school.

Futhermore

in addition

Furthermore

, they are less likely to be selected for

school’s

Suggestion

school

sport team because

selection team

Suggestion

the selection team

might concern about their fitness. In conclusion

Accept space

factors like poor diet, sedentary lifestyle because of

advance

Suggestion

advancements

in technology

has led

Suggestion

have led

to increase in overweight children, and these may cause serious physiological and psychological problems to

children

Suggestion

children's

child's

health.

Submitted by JAS on Tue Oct 01 2019

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Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

249 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The percentage of overweight children in western countries has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

Fully explain your ideas

“Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.” To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, there is a push to get as many young people going to university as possible. To what extent do you think this effort is a worthwhile one? Do you think some people can benefit from not going to university?

Friendships can be very meaningful and special, but also very complicated. What are the qualities of a great friend? What are some things that can weaken a close relationship over time?

Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, say that cooperation and team working skills are more important. Discuss both sides.