The percentage of overweight children in western countries has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

#percentage #children #countries #ten #years #effects #trend

There is no doubt that overweight children’s percentages rose by twenty percent in

western world

Suggestion

the western world

. There are several factors, which played

role

Suggestion

a role

the role

Also

, there are some effects of being overweight. On of the major factor that has contributed to increase in children’s weight is unhealthy

food

. Number of children eating unhealthy

food

Suggestion

are

on the rise, and number of increasing fast

food

restaurants are responsible for that.These

restaurant

Suggestion

restaurants

sell tasty

food

to attract

children but

Accept comma addition

children, but

these

food

Suggestion

foods

contain unhealthy ingredients,

for example

, fat and salt.

Secondly

, some advertisements that encourage children to eat unhealthy diet.

Lastly

, children do not give time

Suggestion

for

out door

located, suited for, or taking place in the open air

outdoor

activities because they spend more time watching television or playing games on computers at home, which led to

sedentary lifestyle

Suggestion

a sedentary lifestyle

As a result

, children become overweight. Overweight children are prone to many problems. They are more likely to suffer from chronic diseases like high blood pressure and diabetes, during their late age of life. These conditions are life threatening.

In addition

, these children can be tortured at school by peers, which can have effects on their mental health like stress, anxiety and insomnia. These problems, in turn, often result in lower productivity at school.

Futhermore

in addition

Furthermore

, they are less likely to be selected for

school’s

Suggestion

school

sport team because

selection team

Suggestion

the selection team

might concern about their fitness. In conclusion

Accept space

factors like poor diet, sedentary lifestyle because of

advance

Suggestion

advancements

in technology

has led

Suggestion

have led

to increase in overweight children, and these may cause serious physiological and psychological problems to

children

Suggestion

children's

child's

health.

Submitted by JAS on Tue Oct 01 2019

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

249 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The percentage of overweight children in western countries has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

“Nowadays children are undisciplined because their parents are busy with their career.” To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What could parents do to build a sense of discipline among children?

The housing shortage today in big cities can have severe social consequences. Many people think that only government actions can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweight the disavantages?

Some Countries have implemented mandatory community programs for young people. In these programs, children aged 16 to 18 do charity work, help old people or work with animals. What are some advantages and disadvantages for this for young people?