IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #job
It’s often said that people who works in the entertainment industry,
such
 as
music pop star
Suggestion
a music pop star
, are overly paid.
This
 essay agrees that superstar
earn
Suggestion
earns
 so much and
also
 discuss other occupation that needs to
recieve
get something; come into possession of
receive
 more salary One of the main reason, I agreed that celebrities are overpaid is because they don’t reflect the job they do to earn the income
recieved
conforming to the established language usage of educated native speakers
received
.
For instance
 a
Christain
a religious person who believes Jesus is the Christ and who is a member of a Christian denomination
Christian
Ronaldo who
Accept comma addition
Ronaldo, who
 plays one match and get paid a salary as much as 10millon dollars or a movie
artis
Suggestion
art is
 that just appears in a scene is paid 5million pounds. So that, do not justify what work the person as done. Whereas, a good
occupation
Accept comma addition
occupation, such
such
 as a doctor. Who ensures and take care of life to make sure the person is healthy is meant to receive a good salary to encourage him. Another is a teacher who impacts students with knowledge to carry on with the future. In conclusion, celebrity are highly paid too much and I strongly agree, meanwhile the other occupation should be paid more
such
 as doctors and teachers for their efforts to the society.
Submitted by akinloluadetutu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: