IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #staff #company #time #position
Whether seniority is the only criterion of
promotion
 has always been a controversial issue. While the length of
service
 should undoubtedly be considered, I believe there are still other factors, with
performance
 being the most important. Companies will certainly benefit tremendously from promoting senior workers. Those people who have been serving for a number of years would gain a sense of loyalty if they got promoted. They will be able to adapt themselves better to the new positions, provide training for new employees and become valuable assets of the
company
.
By contrast
, if they were not promoted after years of
service
, they would probably resign and turn to competitor’s for higher salary and positions. In
this
 case, the
company
 would inevitably suffer from loss of client and business from the turnover.
Nevertheless
, I believe
performance
 is just as important as the length of
service
 when it comes to
promotion
 eligibility. Candidates with high
performance
 level often own extensive relevant experience and technical skills, which are fundamental to the survival and sustainability of a
company
 in the long run.
Accordingly
, offering those candidates with higher positions will
inarguably
 benefit the
company
 in terms of boosting the overall employee morale—motivating those junior and new employees to achieve higher
performance
 in their current positions.
For example
, in the highly competitive computer engineering industry, a
performance
-driven
promotion
 rewards and elevates those lower-ranking employees who are capable of delivering extraordinary innovations. In conclusion, the length of
service
 should not be the only criterion when a
company
 is implementing a
promotion
. It would be wise if
performance
 were
also
 taken into account.
Submitted by zerotonglin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: