IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even damaging. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is clear that
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 advertising is an important part
in
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of
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 our life which brings advantages to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
However
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, many believe that all kinds of
commercials
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 should be prohibited because they are useless and cause some drawbacks. From my point of view, I completely disagree with
this
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 idea. Obviously, advertising can be a key
drive
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driver
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 to a better standard of living. There is no doubt that advertising
help
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helps
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corporates
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corporations
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 increase sales and build goodwill,
therefore
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, they tend to invest money in research and development to create more advanced products with
main
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the main
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 purpose of serving people.
This
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 means life will become more convenient and comfortable.
For example
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, Samsung has taken the first place in
smartphone
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the smartphone
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 market from Apple
due to
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 their brilliant advertisements, which urges them to focus on quality to maintain their place in the industry.
Furthermore
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, advertising can be a useful means of education. Inspirational
commercials
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 about social issues, health and
environment
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environmental
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 problems
used
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are used
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 to spread messages effectively and powerfully.
For instance
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, advertisements about reusable bags and straws educate the public about
negative
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the negative
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 impacts (=consequences) of plastic on
out
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our
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 planet.
As a result
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, people should be aware of their responsibilities in reducing the use and abuse of plastic
polution
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pollution
.
Likewise
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 (=
similarly
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), when people watch
commercials
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 about healthy food, they start changing their diet in a
health
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healthy
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 and balanced way by adding more vegetables and fruits into daily meals which definitely improves people’s health and standard of living. In conclusion, there are undeniable benefits that advertising brings to the society.
However
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, there have been some negative influences these days which
requires
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require
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 the government to have rules and regulations on
commercials
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 to guarantee free of improper contents

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear position on the issue, providing arguments to support the stance.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a good logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. There is a clear progression of ideas and effective use of linking words.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • unnecessary expenditure
  • critical source
  • informed choices
  • misleading
  • exaggerate
  • survival
  • target audience
  • environmental degradation
  • disposal
  • art and expression
  • social and cultural value
  • commercial intent
  • reasoned conclusion
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