Many people see animals as tools to be used by humans to better their lives. They believe animals should help feed us and keep us healthy by being subjects to experiments that will lead to new medications and medical processes. Others believe that animals should have the same rights to a good life as humans. Discuss both views and state your own.

Many people consider human beings’ position at the top of the evolutionary chain as justification for the exploitation of
animals
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.
While
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animals
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are undoubtedly of great benefit to human survival, we should not take them for granted nor treat them cruelly
as
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, as
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they have as much right to a “good life” as human beings, in my view. A good life for most people implies freedom from pain.
This
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is true for
animals
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as well. Indeed, research has demonstrated that
animals
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feel pain and suffer when removed from their natural habitats. A caged lion,
for example
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, walks back and forth with its tail lowered
as a result
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of its stress. The fact that many
animals
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will not breed in captivity is
further
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proof
they
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that they
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suffer.
However
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,
while
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many would agree that keeping
animals
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in a zoo is inhumane, they
nevertheless
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condone holding them in laboratories for experiments to help humans. In fact, animal testing that leads to discoveries of cures for diseases like cancer
make
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makes
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arguments against animal exploitation hard to defend. The same applies to breeding
animals
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for food like meat and dairy products, or hunting
animals
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such
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as deer when they grow out of control. These arguments for animal use gain traction as the world’s human population grows.
However
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, a wise person would
realize
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realise
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that it is possible to live well without consuming animal-based food products at all; vegans do it every day. As for lab experiments, these are done simply for better cosmetics and soaps in the name of human vanity.
Thus
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, it is clear these
animals
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are being treated undeservedly cruelly
and
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, and
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this
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must stop immediately. In conclusion, humans can take advantage of the world around them.
While
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this
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may involve using
animals
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for health and nutritional needs, people should remember that
animals
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deserve the same respect as any human and used only for truly helpful purposes.

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task
Talk about both views in a more balanced way. Add more ideas for each side so the reader sees both sides clearly.
coherence
Make the flow easy with clear link words. Try one main idea per paragraph and move from one idea to the next.
examples
Give more strong examples for each idea so the point is clear.
conclusion
End with a strong line that shows why you hold your view.
structure
The essay shows a clear view and has a closing,
coherence
Links are used to move ideas from one idea to the next.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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